I don't know how else to say it, I wish I knew how to talk to people. I hate my lousy stupid goddamn social anxiety!!! I think about how I treated people in middle school, and how people treated me. I deeply regret it. Sometimes, I wonder if I was just a nicer person in my childhood, I wouldn't be so anxious and worried what people think of me now. But I digress. I don't know, I've tried to be a good person in my recent years. I think it was after I started transitioning I realized I wasn't that great of a person and I would start working towards being the best me I can be! I like putting good into the world, and I feel good knowing that it'll come back to me.
I like to think I'm a nice person, but I don't think I'm exactly where I need to be in life right now. I'm doing pretty well in college, I'd say. I'm struggling to make friends, but I'm going to get there eventually. I'm just shy, y'know? I wish I wasn't so shy. There are a couple people who seem cool, and I've talked to them once or twice. Also that one class for incoming freshmen is forcing me to make friends. Which I don't mind at all :P whatever helps me make connections. The girl I was partnered with for the project hasn't texted me since the other day, but I'm sure that'll change. I'm scared to start the conversation!!! Maybe I will if I just lock in and stop being such a damn pussy... we'll see though.
This is my problem, it's the same problem when I tried so hard to start a conversation with you know who. Maybe I'll reach out to her too once my social anxiety stops fucking with me. I'm sleepy, though.
Song of the Day: Lemon Demon - Your Imaginary Friend 👻
Underrated song from Dinosaurchestra. >_<
Media Log - September 27th:
355. They Might Be Giants - Lincoln 💽
356. Ween - 12 Golden Country Greats 💽
357. Lemon Demon - Dinosaurchestra 💽
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