Long Distance Relationships

October 15th 2025

I don't think I talked about it much, but I was in a long distance relationship for 6 months, from April to October. I say was because as of today we've decided to break things off. I knew going in that it was going to be tough for me because of the distance, but I wasn't sure just how difficult it truly would've been. I'm glad we came to the agreement though and we can still remain friends. I've tried long distance relationships before in the past, and historically they haven't worked out all too well for me, so I'm not sure why I thought it would be different this time. I guess I was just thinking it was worth a shot, y'know? In the words of Lee Harvey Oswald, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I don't think he said that actually, it was John Wilkes Booth. I dunno, I just felt like it wasn't right for either of us, and we were trying too hard to make it work to no avail, on top of that I was always busy with school or something else.

I don't think I was really over my previous IRL relationship either, it's been almost a year and it still leaves a pit in my stomach. That was my first and to this day only irl relationship, and it was a disaster. I think about the letters she sent me, and how she treated me at first, it was so confusing. I think deep down she truly did care about me but was too immature to actually show it.

I still have the letters, I can't bring myself to get rid of them. I know it was all a ruse but I just felt so...right with her... I miss the person I thought she was, to put it simply. It seemed like that person cared about me, cared about me beyond just viewing me as a sex object, a nervous lost confused sex object. She seemed genuinely interested in me at first but that all just...changed. I'm not sure what happened. At some point it just kind of felt like she only kept me around out of pity. It's bizarre, really.

I am in my third semester attending this community college and I am only JUST NOW finding out they have a journalism/writing website. That seems perfect for someone like me... I don't know how to feel, uuuughh.... I love writing so much but I'm not sure what I would even write about. Also my academic reputation isn't the best because I've been struggling to keep my grades acceptable. I promise I'm smart, and I want to prove myself to everyone, it's just hard. It's hard trying to find myself while also balancing these assignments that don't really feel like they're helping me "find myself" I guess it's just a tedious and arduous journey, and I have to have determination and grit to get through this. 

Song of the Day: The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby

Probably my favorite Beatles song and that's not just because my name is Eleanor.