Dear Diary,
Four years ago today, I had what you would call an "epiphany", a realization that I was in fact, a transgender woman. I had wondered about my gender identity for a while now, but it got to a point where I couldn't deny it any more. I took on two names. The first was Eleanor, after the song by The Beatles, Eleanor Rigby. A favorite of mine at the time, and still is I would say. If you've never heard Eleanor Rigby, you need to. It's a great song. I would go by Nora for short, though. The other I kept to myself, because it was also the name of a character I created. Hazel, after the Lemon Demon song Hazel's Modus Operandi.
If I can be honest, Hazel Bucculenta, the character I created, inspired my transgender awakening when I really start to think of it. The character was transgender herself, and I started to realize just how much I related to her, and wanted to be her.
That's where my whole bunnygirl motif thing came from too. Hazel is a silly bunnygirl :P !!!! What's with this bunnygirl motif? Do you have something against bunnygirls?
I've always really liked that lyric, I've always found it really funny for some reason. "What's with this dog motif? Do you have something against dogs?" I'm not SUPER into Car Seat Headrest, but Twin Fantasy is an amazing album, and Beach Life in Death is one of the greatest songs I've ever heard. Just my opinion though, I find something so beautiful about it, Will Toledo is an interesting songwriter I'd say. His lyrics are out there I'd say. Take Happy News for Sadness for example, "An ad for a kid's movie, on the back of the Rice Krispies. It came out in 2003, sure hope it's talking about the DVD" Beach Fagz. "Woke up, had a boner, dragged a comb across my boner." ?????????? The Ghost of Bob Saget talks about giving Bob Saget's ghost a blowjob outside 7/11. THIS SONG CAME OUT 12 YEARS BEFORE BOB SAGET EVEN DIED!!!!
I actually didn't know what a blowjob was for a while, I think my confusion came from the line from Death Grips' "Spread Eagle Cross the Block" where MC Ride says "Drivin down the street to the beat of a blowjob" I found that kinda confusing, because of that I thought it was a music thing or something, and was flabbergasted when I heard the word blowjob used in a different context. I told my girlfriend about how I didn't know about it and she still teases me a lil for it. She likes to tease me a lot for certain things. I love her so much I want to kiss her.
September 6th 2022, I take on another middle name. Jonathan. After another character of mine, John Lycosa. On September 6th 2020, I listened to the song "Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!" at least 100 times or so, and on September 6th 2022, I did the same with Devotee by Rabbit Junk. These songs actually inspired a bit of story stuff with the characters Hazel Bucculenta and John Lycosa. Again, you'll see what I mean. I'm still crafting this little world of mine and it'll all be worth it eventually.
All these characters I've been creating, some of which since I was a little kid. Their whole silly little fucked up world is all coming together, and I'm happy to share it with you.
I've been doing this since... I wanna say 2014? I've made a lot of cool characters I'm very proud of over the years, and I've developed them a lot and it's cute and silly how my silly lil characters became more and more fleshed out and interesting as I grew up. My favorite would have to be Amelia.
I can't get into Amelia's backstory without spoiling a lot of major plot things, but I'm genuinely so proud of it. She's definitely my most fleshed out character I've created, and much of the story focuses around her in some way, whether she's physically present or not.
To get into the basics of her character, she's a young girl, a child prodigy with an incredible scientific mind. Her family's history and the nightmarish events her family has suffered has influenced her to create a better life for herself, her family, friends, and everyone else who has been haunted by similar things she has, with the use of science. It's impossible to explain her character without being vague because there's so much I don't want to spoil. She's a character shrouded in mystery and she has to be dishonest with many of the people she encounters for her own safety. Her peers are still wary of her regardless. This description of her probably makes her seem really uninteresting and I don't think I have anyone hooked here, but I'm still really proud of her character and backstory and everything surrounding her and the little world I've created and I'm extremely excited to share it with the world. It's always been a dream of mine to create something like this, and it's finally starting to come to fruition, in the very early phases, at least. I hope that doesn't come off as boastful, I'm just really ambitious.
Song of the Day: Will Wood - Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In! ☘️
Shoutout to Hazel.
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