Monday, September 30, 2024

September 30th 2024

Dear Diary,

I don't have to take those fuckass pills anymore, thank GOD!!!! I've been playing Gunfire Reborn again, for those unaware it's like Borderlands but Chinese and with furries. Also there isn't any cringy dialogue. If Gunfire Reborn gets a movie it hopefully won't be ass. Oh, I almost forgot! Today is the last day of September. How would I rate this month? 4/10. I was sick a lot, I'm still going through my whole identity crisis which isn't very fun, but on the bright side my girlfriend and I kissed for the first time! That was my first kiss... in a shed next to a dead bee... and I went to my first ever concert. It all seemed like things would be fine, but I got really sick near the end there.

I don't knowwww....I just get sad sometimes, y'know? I keep saying I'm gonna get better, I'm gonna get better, I'm gonna get better... I'm trying, my bed is just so comfy and I don't want to get out of bed most days. Talking to my girlfriend is the only thing that keeps me going most days.  I'm working on myself, though. I promise that I am. October's gonna be a good month. October tends to be a good month for me. I might even dress up for Halloween this year? Probably not, I don't have any ideas for a costume. Also I'm still a little uncomfortable dressing feminine at this point in my transition. I mean, I wouldn't say uncomfortable. Just a little anxious about it. I wish I could dress feminine comfortably, but I couldn't do it outside the privacy of my own home. Maybe I could take some cute selfies, though!

I just wanna be a silly and pretty girl on the internet. Or like a transfem bunnymoth yknow what I mean? If I was an animal I'd want to be a rabbit-moth hybrid. I love bugs so much they're so cute especially moths!!! I also like beetles, they're adorable!!! Moths are kinda like the rabbits of the bug world if that makes sense. Yawwwnnnnnnnn. 

Song of the Day: Jack Stauber - Baby Hotline 💘

"Please hold me close to you!" - Me when my girlfriend 


Sunday, September 29, 2024

September 29th 2024

Dear Diary,

I hate taking these big ass pills. I'm scared I'm gonna choke on them again. I miss my girlfriend too. So much. I've been sick and I worry that it changed things between our relationship somehow. I love her with all of my heart, and I would do anything for her. Things were scary when she was gone for five months. We made it through that, it was scary, and I fell in love with her during the time we were apart, and I know we can make it through anything after that. I don't know why I'm talking about all of this, I guess I'm just scared we're gonna grow apart in the future, even if we've been apart before and our bond grew stronger from it. 

She's incredibly strong, physically and mentally. She's incredibly beautiful too. Extremely creative, I love everything about her. I don't know what else to say I'm just tired now... goodnight... I'll have more to say about her tomorrow after I take my gay lil nap... goodnight. 

Song of the Day: Marcy Playground - Sex & Candy ☢

love this song :P


Saturday, September 28, 2024

September 28th 2024

Dear Diary,

I'm so sleepy. Yawwnnnnnnn. Don't expect much from me today, I'm working on some personal writing instead. I might make a post for the floraljester page but I don't even know if I want to keep the floraljester name. I might change it to something else. But what? I don't know. Writer's block sucks! I'll get over it, I'm just so tired and still recovering from my whole illness that took over my life for like a week. Sigh. I just miss my girlfriend. I need to hug her, this has been such a long week. I should get some rest soon. I took a nap but my head still hurts and I miss my girlfriend. 

Goodnight, I guess. I should get some rest. So sleepy... Goodnight! 

Song of the Day: Nero's Day at Disneyland - Lost in Bonerland ☢️

I showed this song to my friend back in 8th grade, and they got really mad at me insisting I made this song.


Friday, September 27, 2024

September 27th 2024

Dear Diary,

I don't know how else to say it, I wish I knew how to talk to people. I hate my lousy stupid goddamn social anxiety!!! I think about how I treated people in middle school, and how people treated me. I deeply regret it. Sometimes, I wonder if I was just a nicer person in my childhood, I wouldn't be so anxious and worried what people think of me now. But I digress. I don't know, I've tried to be a good person in my recent years. I think it was after I started transitioning I realized I wasn't that great of a person and I would start working towards being the best me I can be! I like putting good into the world, and I feel good knowing that it'll come back to me.

I like to think I'm a nice person, but I don't think I'm exactly where I need to be in life right now. I'm doing pretty well in college, I'd say.  I'm struggling to make friends, but I'm going to get there eventually. I'm just shy, y'know? I wish I wasn't so shy. There are a couple people who seem cool, and I've talked to them once or twice. Also that one class for incoming freshmen is forcing me to make friends. Which I don't mind at all :P whatever helps me make connections. The girl I was partnered with for the project hasn't texted me since the other day, but I'm sure that'll change. I'm scared to start the conversation!!! Maybe I will if I just lock in and stop being such a damn pussy... we'll see though.

This is my problem, it's the same problem when I tried so hard to start a conversation with you know who. Maybe I'll reach out to her too once my social anxiety stops fucking with me. I'm sleepy, though. 

Song of the Day: Lemon Demon - Your Imaginary Friend 👻

Underrated song from Dinosaurchestra. >_<

Media Log - September 27th:

355. They Might Be Giants - Lincoln 💽

356. Ween - 12 Golden Country Greats 💽

357. Lemon Demon - Dinosaurchestra 💽

Thursday, September 26, 2024

September 26th 2024

Dear Diary,

I have no idea how to keep up this whole word quota thing. I'm trying! I like to write a lot, but not when I'm sleepy and recovering from illness like this. Good news! I didn't have to go in for surgery, that's awesome isn't it? I'm still recovering, though. Why do I have to do this every day? It's not like I have to, I just do this to myself. I don't get sick days. I mean, technically I do, but then I have to catch up after like a week or so of not writing anything for my silly lil blog. Sigh. Such is the life of internet bunnymoth Eleanor Rubicunda. Oh yeah, some rando asked me what a "transfem bunnymoth" is because of my Instagram bio. I think it's self explanatory. I'm transfem, and I'm a rabbit/moth hybrid created in a lab by a pink hair and pronouns lesbian who listens to They Might Be Giants. More like gay might be giants am I right. 

I can barely even pay attention in my classes after everything, my head is just spinning after everything that happened. PTSD maybe? I doubt I can get PTSD from being sick for a week, no matter how bad it is. I was screaming in pain for hours on end, but I don't think it's something that can like give me PTSD or something? I'm still trying to catch up on these silly lil blog posts. I'm good at keeping up with the song of the day thing. Ya girl is a stupid music enjoyer. I finally listened to Good For Your Soul after I was recommended it at prom by one of my dad's students. I like Oingo Boingo, Dead Man's Party is one of my favorite albums of all time, but I only listened to like two of their albums before today.

Dead Man's Party is so peak. Actually one of the greatest albums of all time. Definitely my favorite album of the 1980s. Cardiacs' A Little Man and A House and the Whole World Window is another great album from the 80s. R.E.S, Dive, A Little Man and a House, In a City Lining, Victory Egg. I don't know how I went from Oingo Boingo to Cardiacs. Both are great bands that make my ADHD go crazy! Well, my favorite songs from Dead Man's Party... All of them! Just Another Day is incredible, Dead Man's Party, the title track is iconic, Heard Somebody Cry is pretty awesome, No One Lives Forever was one of the songs that made me fall in love with Boingo, as well as Weird Science, I still need to watch the Weird Science movie actually. My mom was obsessed with it. Hell yeah!!! I wonder if my mom liked Oingo Boingo as a kid too, I never thought to ask. I think she liked DEVO though. DEVO and Oingo Boingo go hand in hand if you ask me. Although most people just no Whip It, they have so many more bangers than just Whip It.

The question, "Is DEVO a one-hit wonder?" I would say absolutely not. Their debut album Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo! is a classic album, maybe not as iconic in the mainstream, but if we're talking new wave and such, it's absolutely iconic. I love new wave. You ever listen to Elvis Costello? I love This Year's Model so much. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CHELSEA!!! Talking Heads is another one. I can't stop thinking about how Re-Animator had a Talking Heads poster in a sex scene as if people who listen to new wave have sex. Imagine a new wave sex playlist, that would go insane. I don't know... imagine being conceived to DEVO. 

Imagine being conceived to Duran Duran. I haven't listened to Duran Duran much. The Police? Ewwww I hate The Police, except for Roxanne but only because of Remedial Chaos Theory. Just so you know Jeff you're now creating six different timelines. Not the best Community episode, but holy shit Remedial Chaos Theory is so peak. Season 2 is probably the best season of Community, in my opinion. Aerodynamics of Gender through Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas is a five episode run that I don't think can be beaten. Most of those episodes are really good because Abed is an amazing character. However, the best Community Episode in my opinion is... Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design! Troy and Abed build a massive blanket fort throughout the school, also the Latvian independence bit is funny because the episode actually did air on Latvian Independence Day. Although all of that stuff isn't why Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design is my favorite Community episode, I think it's something that needs to be experienced blind rather than some dumb 18 year old trans girl explaining why she thinks it's the best episode of television of all time. Everything about is so perfect I know how to explain it I just don't want to explain it because it needs to be experienced with no knowledge other than the blanket fort it's a silly little b-plot. Aerodynamics of Gender is really funny too, "It's going to be a maze" and Mixology Certification HE IS JUST LIKE ME FRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! I actually do have a hard time telling when someone is hitting on me, that's why I thought Jordi just wanted to be friends at first. 

I had a crush on another girl in the same class. Honestly, I don't even really think I had a crush on her, more like I just wanted to be friends with her again after 8th grade. I may have had a crush on her in 8th grade??? I don't know, I was a bit of an asshole to her and I felt bad about it. I don't think I ever had a real crush on anyone who didn't like me first, when I really think about it. I wonder if I just always felt some kind of obligation to be interested in someone throughout my life. I don't think I'm aroace, definitely not. I love my girlfriend way too much, you've seen how much I poured my heart out over her on this very blog! I don't know, I just hope it isn't weird that I wanna be friends with a girl again even though I thought I had a crush on her and later realized that wasn't the case and I just feel bad for how I treated her. I don't lose sleep over the fact that I wasn't all that great in middle school, honestly who wasn't a pretty cringe dumbass in 8th grade, but she didn't deserve to be treated like that because she like genuinely wanted to be friends with me. I was used to people I wanted to be friends with using me and would be an asshole to me, but I feel like shit for doing it to someone else. 

Song of the Day: Oingo Boingo - Who Do You Want to Be ⭐

This song is insane in the best way!!

Media Log - September 26th:

354. Oingo Boingo - Good For Your Soul 💽


Wednesday, September 25, 2024

September 25th 2024

Dear Diary,

Well, I don't feel as sick anymore. I think I'm still going to stay home from school today, though. If I can be completely honest, I'm still a little terrified. I may have to go in for surgery tomorrow, too. Fun! I miss my girlfriend so much. I'm trying to keep myself busy for now, though. I just want to be with her more often. I sleep with the blanket she gave me and pretend I'm being held in her arms. I would do anything to be held in her arms all day and all night. I'm so sleepy, can you tell? I just wish we could be together forever and kiss even if it's in a shed next to a dead bee or in a garage with five gay rats. I wonder who's gayer, Jordi and I, or the five gay rats in the garage.

Also, I didn't have a chance to talk about it earlier, but Class of '09 The Flipside dropped the other day, and holy shit it is bad. I just watched gameplay of it and it was so hard to watch... So much weird foot fetish bullshit garbage and then the FYE ending... I don't wanna spoil it but it's so gross I don't wanna talk about it either way. Also the creator is supposedly a horrible person, like he bullies autistic kids online to "cure" them or some bullshit. Also he's weird with girls half his age because "freshly 18" man wtf. It sounds to me like he's the kind of guy he makes fun of in his own game. Jeffery specifically. I mean, he's kinda funny, but still a pretty lame person y'know? I don't know. Jecka deserved so much better... The game just took out all the humor and made it really dark and not even in an interesting way, just really uncomfortable to watch. I'd say it's like a 3/10 after watching all of the gameplay. Thank God it's a visual novel so I don't have to play the game to form an opinion on it.

I had to write an essay for English class. About social media and how it's affecting the current generation, and I decided to include my own personal anecdotes about how the internet has affected me. I'd say it has affected me in both positive and negative ways. For one, I met so many cool incredible people online but another thing is my social anxiety when it comes to talking to people in real life. I want to try to work on that, because there's many people I want to be friends with in real life, but I'm extremely scared to start a conversation with them. I hate my stupid brain so much. I also wrote like ten paragraphs I deleted about brainrot and skibidi toilet and shit like that and how they're affecting the youth. Andrew Tate too, that's another thing I could go on and on about. Like how shitty of a person Andrew Tate is and how he's become an extremely negative role model to young boys in our modern age.

I don't want to go into surgery tomorrow! I don't think I'm going to have to, but I'm still a little paranoid that oh yeah oh fuck I'm gonna be cut open tomorrow if I didn't take enough medicine. I hate those fucking pills I have to take I almost choked to death on the big ass pill they're making me take and ohhh ohhh you need liquid to wash it down with SHUT THE FUCK UP I DRANK SCARY ASS GATORADE WITH IT TO WASH IT DOWN AND I STILL FUCKING CHOKED ON IT NEARLY FUCKING KILLED ME I LOVE THAT SCARY ASS GATORADE KEEPS ME HYDRATED SO I DON'T HAVE TO GO INTO THE HOSPITAL GET A FUCKASS NEEDLE IN MY ARM AND THEY PUT FUCKASS COLD ASS SALINE IN MY BITCH ASS ARM I'M GOING TO CRY IF I EVER HAVE TO GET AN IV AGAIN I'M KIDDING I KNOW I'M GOING TO EVENTUALLY AND I KNOW I'M GOING TO HAVE SURGERY AGAIN IN MY LIFETIME BUT AAAAHHHH SURGERY SCARES ME NOT WHEN I GOT MY APPENDIX OUT THAT WAS SILLY THEY THOUGHT I HAD APPENDICITIS EVEN THOUGH MY APPENDIX IS GONE.

Song of the Day: Car Seat Headrest - Hollywood ⭐

overhated

Media Log - September 25th:

353. Car Seat Headrest - Making a Door Less Open 💽

Tuesday, September 24, 2024

September 24th 2024

Dear Diary,

IT HURTS SO MUCH

Song of the Day: The Residents - Suburban Bathers 🌊

If I learn to love myself, I might survive the murky depths. 

Monday, September 23, 2024

September 23rd 2024

Dear Diary,

IT HURTS SO MUCH 

Song of the Day: Ricky Montgomery - This December ❄️

im in too much pain to listen to this but my gf recommended it i'll listn to it l8r 

Sunday, September 22, 2024

September 22nd 2024

Dear Diary,

Still dying. 

Don't know when I'll be feeling better.

Happy first day of Autumn though!!!!

Song of the Day: Weezer - Run, Raven, Run ☁️

I LOVE AUTUMN!

Saturday, September 21, 2024

September 21st 2024

Dear Diary,

Heh. Yeah, I remember the 21st night of September. I was in the hospital.

Song of the Day: Earth, Wind, & Fire - September 🔥

I <3 THE HOSPITAL!


Friday, September 20, 2024

September 20th 2024

Dear Diary,

Honestly, I think I'm gonna go to the hospital if this keeps up. I really have nothing to write. I'm just extremely nauseous and in immense pain.

Song of the Day: Mount Shasta - Stella ⭐

same


Thursday, September 19, 2024

Wednesday, September 18, 2024

September 18th 2024

Dear Diary,

As I'm sure most of you know, there really isn't a concrete answer to how many countries there are because geopolitics is a very complicated subject. Personally, I consider there to be 197. You have the 193 member states of the United Nations, the two observer states, Vatican City and Palestine making 195, but I would also consider Kosovo and Taiwan as well. So, Palestine is recognized by about 146 of the 193 member states. In order to be a full member state, a country needs to be recognized by five certain countries. China, Russia, France, United Kingdom, and United States. China and Russia recognize Palestine, but the other three do not. That may change sometime soon though as more and more countries have started to recognize Palestine recently. Such as Ireland, Spain, and Norway. Maybe that's just wishful thinking, though. The United States is Israel's biggest supporter, and Israel arguably wouldn't exist without the United Kingdom. 75% of the United Nations still recognize Palestine, though. 

Vatican City is a pretty interesting case, actually. Commonly referred to as The Holy See when talking about it in the context of a country, it is the smallest country in the world in both area and population. In fact, it's a country inside of a city, that city being Rome in Italy. The Holy See's issue is not a lack of recognition from certain member states, rather they simply choose not to be a member state. Makes sense, I don't think The Pope would want to get involved in geopolitical issues all that much anyway. So... what about Taiwan and Kosovo? They aren't even observer states, why would I recognize them? Well, Kosovo has quite a bit of recognition among member states. 104 out of 193, or roughly 54% of the world recognizes Kosovo. Anyways, take other... "de facto" countries for example. Is de facto the right term? Oh well, I'm going with it. Anyways, you have Northern Cyprus which is only recognized by Turkey, Western Sahara being recognized by around 46 other countries, Abkhazia and South Ossetia only being recognized by five other countries. (Russia, Venezuela, Nauru, Syria, and Nicaragua.) so on and so forth. 

Okay, then what about Taiwan? It's recognized by fewer countries than Western Sahara. Only 11. So why do I include it in my definition? I'm gonna be honest... I don't know. I was always taught Taiwan and Kosovo along with the UN member and observer states, I don't know where that came from if I can be honest. 197 countries, that is always what I have been taught. I never really thought to ask "Why do we include Taiwan and Kosovo in this definition if they aren't even member states of the UN?" Honestly, though? The United Nations' opinion on what is and isn't a country shouldn't matter. Define country however you want to, dude. I'm just going by what I've been taught. It's a very politically divisive topic that most people are not going to agree on, and that's okay. We all have different reasons for believing what we do. Perhaps Bhutan's definition is correct. They only recognize like fifty or so other countries, and they're doing pretty well for themselves as far as I'm aware. I don't know much about Bhutan actually. They're in the Himalayas and their flag has a dragon on it so I'm assuming they're pretty damn cool. 

Song of the Day: Sham Rock - Tell Me Ma ☘️

Maybe there's only one country, and that's Ireland. 

Tuesday, September 17, 2024

September 17th 2024

Dear Diary,

Y'all, I don't know how else to word it at this point. I just love her! She gave me this blanket with her scent on it and I sleep with it often and it feels like she's holding me in her warm embrace, Something I long for more than I know how to put into words. I talked with her on the phone again, that's always so much fun! I love it so much!!! I just love love love this girl so much, it's unbelievable. Actually the sweetest lil lady of all time, she's just so flippin nice to me and I don't understand why sometimes. She's started to read my blog posts too now actually, Hiiiii honeybun I love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love lvoe love love love love love  love love love love love love love her. She's so silly!!!!!! The silliest of all time. I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful, perfect, angel. I must've done something right, though. I wish we could be together in person more often, but certain circumstances caused that to go out the window. It is what it is.

Honestly, school is kicking my ass for real. Just absolutely obliterating me. I missed a history quiz last week, yay! I also missed a geography quiz, but the professor was kind enough to reopen it for my stupid ass. The history professor doesn't do make-up work though, which is fine. I feel like I might've talked about this already. Whatever, my point is, I'm struggling to stay on my feet with this whole college thing here. I'm probably going to end up missing my first day this week, and waiting outside for my dad at the end of the day isn't ideal. I really need to get my damn license. I'll get it eventually, whatever. I just wanna chill right now. I needed 50 hours of experience, right? I've got... 21. 

Driving just scares me!!!! I hate driving so much I wish it wasn't a necessary evil. The fact that I have to assume that everybody else on the road is going to do something stupid or my fear that I might do something fucking stupid and end up a corpse. I'm honestly really terrified of it. I'm learning though, I guess. I got my permit a few years back, and it expires every year so I have to get it renewed. It's practically the only form of identification I actually have. MY PICTURE SUCKS THOUGH!!! Bad hair day? That's basically every day for me recently but I'm gonna quit laying in bed all day and actually start taking care of myself properly. I just wanna sleep and write all day most days, but I know it isn't ideal and I have other responsibilities, I'm working on balancing all of my responsibilities as much as possible. I've been trying my best to do that and it isn't easy but I think I'm getting somewhere. I need to be more productive, and I need to be more confident!

I'm mainly working towards just... being a better writer, y'know? It's stupid, but this is a major passion of mine and I just wanna keep doing this as much as possible. It's fun! I know very very few people are going to read this blog, but it's just one writing project of many I have planned, currently my main one, but definitely not the only one I want to work on for my whole life. I like writing for school, can't say I always have, but when I'm passionate about the subject I'm the biggest fucking yapper you'll ever meet. It's kinda why I'm an English major, I don't know if I can get a well-paying career like this but fuck it this is my passion I'm passionate about this more than anything and I'm not going to stop any time soon. I'm young and my life is just getting started and who cares if nobody will read it? I don't do this for other people, I do it to feel accomplished. I'm having fun! It's my life and I'm going to live it how I want and nobody can tell me what to do!

Sometimes I write TOO much for school, I worry. An assignment that's one paragraph will turn into several for me. I think I showed off The Residents' example from senior year, but yeah. That's.... haha..... At least the other one was a freewrite, and I don't think he's seen it yet. At least I hope not. He says he doesn't read the freewrites but what if he does?! I don't think it matters. I posted it on my blog for the whole world to see, what's the matter with my English professor reading it, right? That's what I tell myself at least. I have a lot of anxiety of keeping up a good academic reputation, I'd say I'm doing somewhat well with it but what if they see me as some overenthusiastic weirdo who is very particular about her writing and making sure it says a lot? I also worry sometimes that my writing is more quality than quantity! I want both! I want to write something well thought out and doesn't look lazy if I just wrote 100 or so words!!!! Ernest Hemingway can write a moving story in only six words, but I can't. So fuck him and fuck you too. I'm kidding!!! I was referencing an Eminem lyric if you didn't catch on. 

I've definitely overwritten here, I think. I'm not gonna stop anytime soon. This is fun for me. I enjoy it. This particular post isn't even really meant to be anything serious or interesting or cool. I'm just rambling. That's what a lot of the posts on here are, ramblings. I just like yapping a lot of the time and I know only like three people are probably gonna read it but it's just something I enjoy doing. Is there really something wrong with that? Probably, maybe I should speak with a therapist about it. Wait, I think I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. Maybe I'll talk about it then. Nah, I'm kidding. I don't know what I'll talk about. She still doesn't know about my whole gender situation and honestly I don't know how I'm supposed to talk to people about that whole thing, y'know? I know she's supportive but I just can't help but feel so awkward about it for some reason. I'll try opening up to her more, because I feel it would benefit me majorly. 

Song of the Day: Mitski - My Love Mine All Mine 💘

thanks jordi ^_^


Monday, September 16, 2024

September 16th 2024

Dear Diary,

My weekend is over now, and I'm now beginning week 5 of college. I'm not feeling all that great, but I'm trying to stay locked in. I could barely focus on the group assignment in English though, because I was just feeling so icky. I wouldn't be surprised if my whole group thinks I'm an asshole now. :( It isn't really my fault, I'm just terribly sick and I honestly don't know if I should even be here today, but college is important and if I miss I'll probably end up dead in a ditch somewhere. Kidding, that's a Nero's Day at Disneyland reference. Like how the most recent upload on my YouTube channel is called Nora's Day at Glaggleland. That video is from 2022, which means I haven't uploaded to YouTube in almost two years. I gotta get back on that, I kinda have some ideas but voice dysphoria is a bitch and so is not even having a good mic to begin with. Roblox is pretty fun, there's a game on there called Rise of Nations, I'm not very good at it but hey I'm learning, I love map simulation games like that. Brings out the stupid lil geography nerd in me.

Y'know, I'm trying to lower my word quota just a tiny bit. I don't know why I would complain about the word quota that I imposed on myself so much. I guess I'm just kinda silly, I dunno. School sucks, I just wanna marry my girlfriend and live in a small cozy house up north and cuddle up to her in a warm blanket next to a fireplace when it gets cold. Which it'll get really cold all the time because I wanna live in like... Massachusetts or something. Just a thought. I've never even been there, I've just always felt some kinda odd strange connection to the state. Does that make sense or do I just sound like a crazy person? Probably the latter. I don't know, Massachusetts is just cool. I can't quite explain it. It's like how certain Americans are fascinated by places like New York or Los Angeles despite not living there. For me, it's Boston Massachusetts. It's not really any different, it's just that the subject of my fascination happens to be a smaller city. Honestly, the whole state is interesting. I wanna visit Salem someday.

My girlfriend is a very good singer, I believe she's starting a cover channel soon? I'm excited to check that out. I've always been a huge admirer of her singing. Mainly Vocaloid covers. She's getting me back into my Vocaloid phase y'all!!!! This is so flippin scary!!!! I don't want to be a vocaloid enjoyer I'm kidding I do, I do. I love her and I'll indulge in her silly lil Japanese robot music if it makes her happy. I've got my French robot music too so I can't complain. I don't know if you could really compare Daft Punk to Vocaloid, though. I think Hatsune Miku would be pretty fond of Daft Punk, though. The real question is, would she be a based Human After All apologist like me, or would she be another hater who still thinks it's their weakest album? Okay, Human After All kinda is their weakest album, but I still think it's really cool!!!! The title track, Prime Time, Robot Rock, Television Rules the Nation, Technologic, Emotion. Yeah, I don't have much to say about the middle aha. Steam Machine is fine, Make Love exists!, The Brainwasher is okay, and On/Off is just an interlude lmao. 

Song of the Day: syudou - Bitter Choco Decoration 🦠

shoutout to loving my girlfriend 

Sunday, September 15, 2024

September 15th 2024

Dear Diary,

I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND  I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND

Song of the Day: doriko - Romeo & Cinderella 💘

migu





Saturday, September 14, 2024

September 14th 2024

Dear Diary,

Oh goodness oh goodness I don't know what to say WE KISSED!! WE KISSED!!! WE KISSED!!! IN A SHED NEXT TO A DEAD BEE THAT SHE BURIED BECAUSE SHE FELT SAD FOR IT I LOVE HER I LOVE HER WE KISSED !!!!! AAAAAHHHHH I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAYYYYYYYYY  MY HEAD IS SPINNING SHE GAVE ME A BLANKET THAT SMELLS LIKE HER !!!!! 

Song of the Day: Lillian Castillo - Sugar Cloud 💘
NOW I'M FLOATIN HIGH ON A CLOUDDDD AND I COULD PUKE A RAINBOW!!!! 
(me after we kissed.)
oh yeah thats right! it's ride the cyclone day! favorite quote:
Noel: "There is no room in this inn, for it is Christmas. Shall we hang ourselves?"
Jane: "I hear it gives you an erection"
Noel "Then we must hang ourselves... immediately"


Friday, September 13, 2024

September 13th 2024

Dear Diary,

Still working on homework so I'll be allowed to see my girlfriend tomorrow!! She's starting up her YouTube channel for Vocaloid covers soon and I'm really excited and happy for her!!! I love her so so so much, I'm gonna make a pfp for her in the Customcast app, which I haven't used in sooooooooo long. I might make one for my own YouTube channel as well. I can't sing though, but I'm kinda nice at Geoguessr, so I might just do silly Geoguessr videos, not even for my lame ass "skill" at identifying countries from pictures, which has a 50% success rate and I gotta get better at it before I actually start making geoguessr videos so I don't completely friggin embarrass myself on the internet for all to see, but I think I'm... decent at it. But I've seen Vinesauce Joel's Geoguessr videos, and I think they're really funny and I wanna try something like that instead. There's some really bizarre shit you can come across on google maps, some I've even encountered myself on the ol geoguessr, but I digress. I might make some Roblox videos too because I have a really cute Roblox avatar and I think I've shown her off too but I'm not sure I'm too lazy to but I might actually but I won't because I don't feel about it so I lied actually I'm a big fat liar so cry about it!!!!! Nah, I'll show off my Roblox avatar in a little bit, I'm just sleepy and lazy and I need to finish my homework so I'm allowed to see my cute lovely beautiful angelic silly awesome cool epic swag girlfriend.

I might just learn to draw so I can draw a profile picture for my girlfriend!!!! Yayyy!!! Speaking of, I don't think I've heard anyone say profile picture as opposed to pfp in a very long time. I guess it makes sense though... It's a simple abbreviation, and much better than abbreviating it to pp. I mean, you don't wanna get it confused with the notation for pianissimo, haha. ERM ACTUALLY IT MEANS PENIS NO SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP THATS NOT WHAT IT MEANS

Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor?

Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor?  Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor?   Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor?   Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor?   Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor?   Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor?   Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor?   Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor?   Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor?   Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor?   Too lazy and busy to type actual shit out again, Eleanor? 

There is one thing I will say, though. Today is the 30th anniversary of one of my favorite albums by my favorite band, They Might Be Giants!!! Their fifth studio album, John Henry. I wanna try and get back in my old alt account @selfcallednowhere on Instagram, named after my favorite song from the album, but I haven't had much luck. >_<

Song of the Day: They Might Be Giants - Out of Jail 💘

"I wish I'd gotten to know her before I fell in love
I could say who's to blame, say who's the man in this cautionary tale
But I swore I'd be true and I'll swear and I'll swear 'til Kitten's out of jail"
FLANS IS A DISCORD MOD?????? /j (also these lyrics are kinda real minus the kitten part)

Thursday, September 12, 2024

September 12th 2024

Dear Diary,

I went to my first ever actual concert today. Ludacris!!!! For my first ever concert, I would have to say it was a very enjoyable experience that I will remember for the rest of my life. My only complaint is that it was a bit uncomfortable standing out in the rain, but I guess it couldn't be helped. Not like the weather is gonna hold off for a Luda concert. Anyways, he certainly knows how to get a crowd hyped and entertained, not even just with his music, but the banter with the DJ as well as the audience at some points. It was a truly unforgettable experience and I would love to see Ludacris live again someday.  Yesterday was actually his birthday!! Happy birthday, Luda! I've always been a fan of many of his songs, but I wouldn't call myself a huge Ludacris fan. Word of Mouf is an album that I just love so much. "Roll Out (My Business)", "Growing Pains", "Move Bitch", "Area Codes", all great songs which he played. He even played some of his features like "Baby" by Justin Bieber (which was unexpected to me and really funny), "Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz, "Holidae In" by Chingy, "Yeah" by Usher. He also had to shout out Fast & Furious, rightfully so, since he's made a lot of money off of those movies. He made a remark about wanting to know who the day 1 Ludacris fans are by playing his first ever single, "What's Your Fantasy?" To be honest, the only Ludacris album I've heard in its entirety is Word of Mouf, but I've been interested in checking out more of his work, I just never knew what to listen to after Word of Mouf, but I think I'm gonna binge his entire discography now because that concert was awesome, and so hype too. Not that I have any other concert experiences to compare it to. I have two more concerts I have to go to for my music class but those will be at the school and probably not artists I'm familiar with like how I am familiar with Ludacris. The DJ, I believe his name was DJ Infamous but I don't remember, was also playing some interesting songs I wasn't expecting. DMX's classics "Party Up" and "Ruff Ryder's Anthem", at one point Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" what???? Since my friend asked, Luda didn't bring out the giant prosthetic arms though unfortunately. He did bring them out for the first pitch at the Atlanta Braves game the other day, which is cool. I've been to a couple Braves games but never any with celebrities throwing out the first pitch. I'm getting off track, aren't I? Overall, I have to say that I am very happy that this got to be my first concert experience, and I really can't wait to go to another one as soon as possible.



At first I wanted to go to the Weezer, Flaming Lips, and Dinosaur Jr. concert in Nashville on the 17th, all bands I'm a fan of, but that wouldn't be all that feasible given the fact that it's gonna be on a weekday, and the King Gizzard one on August 31st was the same day as my date and I didn't wanna ditch my girlfriend for Gizz. They play in Nashville a lot, I'll get a chance again soon.

I definitely want to go to another concert again soon, I know I have two more I have to go to for homework but I mean like a concert for an artist I actually know beforehand, I'm into like orchestral and classical and traditional music like that but that's not the kinda stuff I have an interest in hearing live, y'know? I'd love to see Ween or They Might Be Giants live. Ween is on an indefinite hiatus, so I don't know if I'll ever get that chance, but I hope I do. They Might Be Giants has played in my city before, but not since 2013. Here's to hoping. They played Nashville recently though, please come back I'll do anything...  I need to hear Birdhouse in Your Soul and The Statue Got Me High live...

Song of the Day: Ludacris - Move Bitch ⚡

My mom doesn't know who Ludacris is but she loves this song.

Wednesday, September 11, 2024

September 11th 2024

Dear Diary,

I think a lot about how much 9/11 influenced art going forward. My Chemical Romance literally came into existence because Gerard Way witnessed the plane hit the second tower firsthand. Also, country music is bad now but that’s beside the point. Joe Hawley’s Miracle Musical project is also an allegory for 9/11.  I love Hawaii Part II, I think it’s a beautiful album that’s gotten hate in recent years because a certain YouTuber who shall not be named, people just take online music critics’ words as gospel. I’m not one to overanalyze the album, but I do see where the 9/11 allegory theory comes from. Specifically with certain lyrics from Dream Sweet in Sea Major. “Believe me darling, the stars were made for falling. Like melting obelisks as tall as another realm.” There’s also the fact that the single Variations on a Cloud, often considered an epilogue in the story that is told in Hawaii Part II, was released on the 11th of September 2012. As we know, dates are important in Hawley’s work, there’s a reason Hawaii Part II was released on 12/12/12 at 12:12 AM. Then there’s albums that released on 9/11/01 that spookily coincide with the events of that date in some way. Take The Moldy Peaches’ self-titled for example, one of the last tracks is named “NYC’s Like a Graveyard.” Another example I can point to is the Slayer album “God Hates Us All,” which I imagine was a common sentiment after what happened on that day. Possibly the most memorable album to have released on 9/11 is The Microphones’ “The Glow Pt. 2” another Part 2 album with no part 1. The lyrics admittedly don’t coincide with the terrorist attacks that much, but the melancholy tone of the album is something people bring up when talking about the connection. I could go on but I’d rather not to be honest. Tragedies tend to inspire musical works more than people realize; I think. Whether they’re world tragedies or things that happen in the artists’ life. Just look at how much music came out protesting the Vietnam War. John Lennon’s “Imagine” for example, I don’t really like that song all that much, but I think it’s a great example for what I’m talking about. It isn’t just music either, this is a universal idea present in all forms of media. Many people speculate that Harry Potter is an allegory for World War 2, with there being many parallels between Voldemort and Adolf Hitler. This is a theory that Rowling herself has acknowledged, but never went into too much detail about as far as I’m aware. While on the topic of World War 2 allegories, Godzilla is an allegory for the atomic bombs that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945, and nuclear warfare in general. It’s not revolutionary to say that popular media is inspired by tragedies, I just think it’s something interesting to talk about. Back to music, some media is inspired not by world tragedies, but by tragedies that are personal to the artist. Ween’s 2003 album “Quebec” is inspired by singer Aaron Freeman’s divorce, as well as his struggles with overcoming substance abuse.

Kanye West's debut single "Through the Wire" is another example, inspired by his near-fatal car crash in 2002 after leaving the recording studio late at night and falling asleep at the wheel, causing his jaw to be wired shut. He actually recorded the song while his jaw was still wired shut, which is why he sounds quite different than usual on this track.

Not all of these examples are allegorical, and that's not really the point I'm trying to make here. My point is that tragedy often inspires creativity in many different ways. Take a look at the Armenian-American heavy metal band System of a Down. Much of their lyrical content is focused on war, corruption, genocide, and other political issues. Music being used as a form of activism is nothing new, but I think System of a Down does it incredibly and given that every member of the band is of Armenian descent, a nation which has suffered greatly over the years, I would argue that their lyrics give a perspective on many modern political issues that is worth taking into account. 

Now, obviously, this isn't to say that the opinions of those who have faced suffering from political violence are the only opinions worth  listening to, or that their opinions are more important, I just believe that it is the kind of perspective one must look into in order to get a better understanding of a conflict. One of System of a Down's most popular songs is "B.Y.O.B." An acronym that commonly means "Bring Your Own Beer" in this instance stands for "Bring Your Own Bombs." This piece was written in protest of the Iraq War. While on the topic of Iraq war protest songs, there's also OutKast's similarly titled "B.O.B.", Bombs Over Baghdad. Although the song was written before the 9/11 terrorist attacks which would spark the Iraq War, and the song moreso being a commentary on the "conditions of the ghetto" making comparisons to Iraq, the song would later become an anti-war anthem during the Iraq War.

Back to System of a Down, I also feel the need to bring up Serj Tankian's essay titled "Understanding Oil," which he published to the band's website two days after the September 11 attacks. This essay, which called for peace between the United States and the Middle East was promptly taken down by their record label Sony, due to claims that Tankian was justifying the 9/11 terrorist attacks. This would also lead to the band being monitored by the CIA for a brief period of time. I wouldn't doubt that I too may be on a watchlist merely for looking into this. As for what Serj had to say about it years later, he states in a 2022 interview, "And I had written a piece called 'Understanding Oil,' which questioned U.S. adventurism in terms of its foreign policy in the Middle East and the reactions that were prevailing in a very kind of sobering and, you know, innocent way trying to understand what had actually occurred and why something like this could have happened to us."

In my opinion, I do not believe that criticizing the United States' foreign policies in the Middle East at the time of the September 11th attacks and stating that they may have led to the terrorist attacks can reasonably be considered "justification" of said terrorist attacks.

I bring all of this up to make a point, there are many perspectives of certain world issues, and not everyone is going to be on the same page about them, and instead of dismissing these perspectives and claiming that they are somehow justifying the deaths of 3,000 innocent civilians, these perspectives should be taken into consideration. Serj Tankian begins his 2024 memoir titled "Down With the System: A Memoir (Of Sorts)" with an account of the Armenian Genocide, which his grandparents lived through. In a 2024 interview with Kate Miller of Bomb Magazine, Tankian speaks about System of a Down's 2015 "Wake Up the Souls" tour, in commemoration of the 100th year anniversary of the Armenian Genocide. Specifically their performance in Yerevan, Armenia on Genocide Remembrance Day. Tankian states, "I felt like we were not just playing a show, but we were paying homage to our ancestors, paying respect to our grandparents, and paying tribute to those who survived and were in front of us celebrating. All of us celebrating our mutual survival. The musical performance was just the physical aspect of it. Everything else was spiritual. It felt like the band was created for that night." To me, this is a powerful quote that really describes System of a Down's body of work well. They are activists who use music as an outlet to spread their activism. Like I said earlier, this is not a new idea. Many artists successfully, and in some cases unsuccessfully, have used music as a way to spread awareness about certain issues. It was a common trend in the 1980s for several popular artists to get together and form what's known as "supergroups" and record songs together, usually to raise charity for some kind of cause. British supergroup Band Aid (clever) boasting names such as Bono, George Michael, Sting, among several others, released the single "Do They Know It's Christmas?" in 1984, raising money for the Ethiopian famine which took place in 1983-1985. While the cause is good, many people criticized the song for its "colonial" and "Euro-centric" viewpoint, many citing the line sung by Bono, "Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you." Personally, I would have to agree with these criticisms, while the intent may not have been malicious, it feels quite tasteless to look at a nation suffering and think "That's so sad, they don't even know about Christmas." but I digress. 

Song of the Day: Ween - Molly 👻

and thus I was never given the aux again after the road trip with my parents of 2022 where I played this song and you could sense the disappointment they felt.

Media Log - September 11th:

350. Ween - The Pod 💽

351. Ween - Chocolate & Cheese 💽

352. Nick Drake - Bryter Later 💽



Tuesday, September 10, 2024

September 10th 2024

 Dear Diary,

Sometimes I wish that carelessness wasn't such a common trait in the world. People are fragile by nature, and even the strongest of souls have their weak spots.

I like to think that I feel love quite strongly. I don't have much experience with romance but I've always been the type to care deeply for the people in my life, whether they be friends, family, partners, or just random strangers. A little bit of kindness can go a long way. Sure, that's such a Facebook mom thing of me to say, but that doesn't mean it isn't true. Another thing I would like to discuss is how easily we let other people influence us. I'm not gonna lie, I pick up many behaviors from people I hang around. That's another thing that I would argue is human nature. However, I think it is important to take into consideration just exactly what behaviors you are picking up from these people. Just because someone may be a bad influence on you in one way or another does not make them a bad person, but I think you need to be cautious with how you let them influence you. I am not a confrontational person, when I have a problem with something I usually do try to make it known, but if I get shut down I'm not gonna make an extraordinary effort to stand up for myself. It's kinda just the way I am. Should I be that way? Probably not, and it's definitely something I'm working on, I'm just a little too scared to hurt peoples' feelings at times. The sad truth of the matter is that sometimes people need to have their feelings hurt, that's how we change and better ourselves as people. Not everything is going to be sunshine and roses, sometimes fuckups happen, and when they do we need to understand how we let them happen and what we can do in order to not let them happen again. The ability to grow and learn from the failures you face and the mistakes you make is a bigger sign of strength than anything.

Song of the Day: Miracle Musical - Variations on a Cloud ☁️

It's just a beautiful song, I like the parts where the different voices are singing contradicting lyrics. 


Monday, September 9, 2024

September 9th 2024

 Dear Diary, 

Fun Fact about a little place named Gensokyo: Did you know, that they have... NO BUSES?! That's right, my friend, there are in fact, no buses in Gensokyo! This discovery was made by the strongest ice fairy known to all mankind and youkaikind, Cirno. While many claim that Cirno is just a baka, they are just jealous of Cirno's immeasurable strength. You see, Cirno would tell you that those who call her a baka are the real bakas. Those bakas are quite sussy if I do say so myself. On September 9th 2009, Cirno would teach a math class in the great lands of Gensokyo, which was much needed because those youkai fucks don't know how to do long division. Especially that fuckass wannabe milf bitch Yukari Yakumo. If I ever see the gap hag in my kitchen stealing my fucking pancakes it's on sight I tell you hwat my boy. Her shikigami Ran is chill though I fw foxgirls quite heavy my friend!!! Ran is welcome to come by and take any pancakes she wishes and so is her funny little kitty Chen. Not Yukari though. Fuck Yukari. Yukari can't long divide, that's why Cirno had to teach her. These fuckers in school wanna say Cirno's a baka, Cirno ain't no hitta, Cirno ain't this, Cirno a fake. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!! Don't you ever disrespect Lady Cirno's ice fairy swag you jealous ass weak ass youkai. What the fuck has Yuyuko done in the last century other than have lesbian funtimes with Bitch Yukari? Yuyuko likes to eat shit for free. Fuck Youmu too she's just tryna hit thats why she doin all that. Fuck Patchouli too with her anemic ass. She is a nerd and I hate nerds more than I hate Crow Tengu. What an asshole! Aya a bitch too she pops her pussy for the gods of the Youkai Mountain, wait no that's Sanae. Aya still a crow ass bitch though. At least she's kinda hot I guess, for a crow tengu. 

Okay, enough with that. I talked to my girlfriend today! She has suchhh a soothing voice it's so hypnotic. She liked the sound of my voice too once I switched to my laptop to talk to her and had better mic quality :P Love ya honey pie!!!

Song of the Day: IOSYS - Cirno's Perfect Math Class ❄️

IF I CATCH ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER TALKING SWEET ABOUT CIRNO I'M FUCKIN BEATIN THEY ASS!!!!!! 


Sunday, September 8, 2024

September 8th 2024

Dear Diary,

Last night was a Community episode lmao. Specifically Season 1 Episode 10, Environmental Science. The scene with the mouse Fievel where Troy and Abed have to sing the song from the movie "An American Tail" in order to find him. There's also like... the Irish Green Day cover band which is really funny for some reason. Basically, my girlfriend and I were on a Discord call and she was in the garage and she saw a mouse and she was trying to find it for like an hour and I was singing the song but to no avail. Turns out mice don't respond to music in real life like in the Community episode. Damn. Unfortunate. There were actually multiple mice in the garage. Like at least two, she had to get the dog to find them but even the dog wasn't much help. 

Although if I were a dog I probably couldn't find a mouse in the garage either, I'm not a dog and I still would have trouble with that. If I was there maybe I could've helped my girlfriend find that fuckass mouse just maybe.

and now, various copypastas in mouse latin in order to fill out the word quota:

Atwheak etheak fuck did ouyeak ustjeak fucking say aboutweak emeak, ouyeak little bitch? Iweak'll aveheak ouyeak owkneak Iweak graduated top ofweak ymeak class inweak etheak navy seals, andweak Iweak've been involved inweak numerous secret raids onweak al-quaeda, andweak Iweak aveheak over 300 confirmed kills.  Iweak am trained inweak gorilla warfare andweak Iweak'm etheak top sniper inweak etheak entire us armed forces.  Ouyeak are nothing oteak emeak utbeak ustjeak another target.  Iweak will wipe ouyeak etheak fuck outweak ithweak precision etheak likes ofweak which has never been seen before onweak istheak earth, mark ymeak fucking words.  Ouyeak think ouyeak can etgeak away ithweak saying attheak shit oteak emeak over etheak internet? think again, fucker.  Asweak eweak speak Iweak am contacting ymeak secret network ofweak spies across etheak usa andweak your ip isweak being traced right now oseak ouyeak better prepare orfeak etheak storm, maggot.  Etheak storm attheak wipes outweak etheak pathetic little thing ouyeak call your life.  Ouyeak're fucking dead, kid.  Iweak can ebeak anywhere, anytime, andweak Iweak can kill ouyeak inweak over seven hundred ways, andweak attheak's ustjeak ithweak ymeak bare hands.  Otneak only am Iweak extensively trained inweak unarmed combat, utbeak Iweak aveheak access oteak etheak entire arsenal ofweak etheak united states marine corps andweak Iweak will use itweak oteak its full extent oteak wipe your miserable ass off etheak face ofweak etheak continent, ouyeak little shit.  Ifweak only ouyeak could aveheak known atwheak unholy retribution your little "clever" comment asweak aboutweak oteak bring down upon ouyeak, maybe ouyeak would aveheak held your fucking tongue.  Utbeak ouyeak couldn't, ouyeak didn't, andweak now ouyeak're paying etheak price, ouyeak goddamn idiot.  Iweak will shit fury allweak over ouyeak andweak ouyeak will drown inweak itweak.  Ouyeak're fucking dead, kiddo

can eweak honestly e date? you’re oseak beautiful.  Ouyeak always make emeak laugh, ouyeak always make emeak smile.  Ouyeak literally make emeak want oteak become aweak better person.  Iweak really enjoy every moment eweak spend together.  Ymeak time has Oneak value unless its spent ithweak ouyeak.  Iweak tell everyone ofweak ymeak irls how awesome ouyeak are.  Anktheak ouyeak orfeak being ouyeak.  Whenever ouyeak need someone oteak ebeak there orfeak ouyeak, owkneak attheak i’ll always ebeak right there by your side.  Iweak love ouyeak oseak much.  Iweak don’t think ouyeak ever realize how amazing ouyeak are sometimes.  Life isn’t asweak fun enwheak you’re otneak around.  Ouyeak are truly stunning.  Iweak want ouyeak oteak ebeak ymeak soulmate.  Iweak love etheak way ouyeak smile, your eyes are absolutely gorgeous.  Ifweak Iweak adheak aweak star orfeak everytime ouyeak crossed ymeak mind Iweak could make etheak entire galaxy.  Your personality isweak asweak pretty asweak ouyeak are andweak thats saying something.  Iweak love ouyeak, please date emeak.  Iweak am otneak even calling itweak e dating anymore because Iweak owkneak eweak will meet soon enough heart ok Iweak admit itweak Iweak love ouyeak ok Iweak hecking love ouyeak andweak itweak breaks ymeak heart enwheak Iweak see ouyeak play ithweak someone else or anyone commenting inweak your profile Iweak ustjeak want oteak ebeak your girlfriend andweak put aweak heart inweak ymeak profile linking oteak your profile andweak aveheak aweak walltext ofweak ouyeak commenting cute things Iweak want oteak play video games talk inweak discord allweak night andweak watch aweak movie together utbeak ouyeak ustjeak seem oseak uninsterested inweak emeak itweak hecking kills emeak andweak Iweak cant take itweak anymore Iweak want oteak remove ouyeak utbeak Iweak care too much aboutweak ouyeak oseak please i’m begging ouyeak oteak eaither love emeak ackbeak or remove emeak andweak never contact emeak again itweak hurts oseak much oteak say istheak because Iweak need ouyeak by ymeak side utbeak ifweak ouyeak dont love emeak then Iweak want ouyeak oteak leave because seeing your icon inweak ymeak friendlist would kill emeak everyday ofweak ymeak pathetic life

hey, sorry Iweak saw your profile andweak Iweak ustjeak thought ouyeak looked cute inweak your picture, Iweak really wanted oteak tell ouyeak attheak)) itweak's really rare oteak see girls playing video games haha! Iweak don't owkneak why its aweak guy thing honestly im ikeleak really against misogyny andweak ikeleak ill ebeak etheak oneweak inweak etheak kitchen making sandwiches.  Eweak should really play csgo sometime its aweak really cool fps game ithweak aweak lot ofweak scary moments, utbeak don't worry ill ebeak there oteak protect ouyeak ;) sorry attheak wasnt flirting Iweak swear im ustjeak trying oteak ebeak friendly Iweak really ikeleak your profile picture sorry asweak attheak too far? really sorry Iweak'm really shy Iweak don't ogeak outweak much haha add emeak onweak skype eweak should talk more ouyeak ookleak really nice andweak fun xxx

K-kitten??? why would ouyeak odeak istheak oteak emeak?? Iweak thought eweak ereweak 4lifers!! 🤬🤬 eweak watched skibidi toilet together, sand etheak song, drank grimace shakes together, etc!! 🔪🔪 istheak isweak otneak funny!! 👿👿👿 alpha scratches ouyeak andweak ouyeak die w-wait, Oneak kitten!! Iweak didnt mean oteak! wake upweak!! please!! Oneak!!!! ymeak ohio level three gyat oneweak two buckle ymeak shoe lightskin strare kitten!! nooooooooo!! im oseak sorry!!!! wake upweak, please!! ⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️⛓️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤👿👿👿👿👿👿🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 i-i must ogeak.  Iweak hurt ymeak kitten, etheak oneweak Iweak swore oteak protect Oneak matter etheak cost.  Iweak'm oseak sorry kitten.  daddy loves ouyeak.  🖤

Song of the Day: Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram - Somewhere Out There 🐭

Trobed for life.


Saturday, September 7, 2024

September 7th 2024

 Dear Diary,

Girlfriend and I talked a little bit on Discord today, she's so cuteeeeeeawawaawawawawawa I think I have a crush on her... That's insane, I mean, a crush on my girlfriend?!?!?!?!?! UNIMAGINABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, silly aside. I didn't get to talk to her MUCH, maybe tomorrow hopefully, she's a lovely unique lady, the loveliest lady... I can't wait to see her again in like, a week? Yeah, a week. :D exciting!!!! ^_^ I just love her so much, I feel so loved by her, it's odd... I've never felt this loved before. I don't really understand love as much as I wish I did. I promise I'm trying real hard to understand love... Love in all of its forms. Love for friends, love for family, and love for partners, I feel like they're all different forms of the same thing, and I'd argue that none of them are truly stronger than one another, although it's different for different people. That's probably just how I experience love. 

Since she's busy today, I figured I'd just watch a lil Gravity Falls because it's a good show lmao. Probably not finishing it but I've already watched it quite a few times. It's just a fire ass show. Some of it even inspired my own lore, but that's a story for another time. Do I say that a lot? "That's a story for another time." Whatever, it doesn't really even matter all that much. I'm just a yapper. Yapdollar. XIAOHONGSHU!!!!!!!!!! I love those videos so much and I'm not even sure why, I think I want to learn Chinese actually now that I think about it.

I don't think I could, though. Chinese is a pretty difficult language, from what I've heard at least. It's definitely an interesting language, that's for sure. I'm still gonna try learning Irish or Russian because I feel like I could realistically commit myself to learning those languages, but I won't be using duolingo because no offense, it just kinda sucks. I'm not quite sure what it is, it's just a frustrating thing to use. Tagalog is another one I wanna learn, and duolingo doesn't have it because of course they don't. Danish too, I thought about moving to Denmark a while back but I'm definitely not doing that.

If emigrating to a country wasn't a scary and difficult process, I think I'd definitely be willing to get out of here and go somewhere like Scotland, Denmark, Ireland, Australia, maybe even somewhere like Japan but probably not to be honest. I wanted to move to Japan a while back (not because of anime I swear lmfao it was other things) but the more I learned about Japan it didn't really seem like the  place I'd wanna call home. Not in a bad way, I just don't think it's for me. I'd definitely like to visit Japan sometime. I've been wanting to visit another country for a Summer vacation for a while now, but it hasn't quite worked out yet unfortunately. My college does have a study abroad program, so I think that will create some opportunities for me to visit other parts of the world that always just seemed like unachievable dreams. 

I don't know what countries are available, and the countries I go to are determined by the classes I take, they have to be relevant to the course I'm taking. Which is cool, since it's more likely that it'll be a place I'm interested in going to if it's a class I'm interested in.

I don't even know how I got to this topic, oh yeah, Gravity Falls. Gravity Falls is a really fire show. The episode "Soos and the Real Girl" remains one of my all-time favorites. It's also pretty funny how it predicted both Doki Doki Literature Club and Five Nights at Freddy's. Before you say "Ohhhh but it came out a month after fnaf 1" errrrmmmm while that's correct and all it was without a doubt animated voice acted storyboarded hell definitely conceptualized before fnaf 1 was even announced. Hell, probably even before fnaf  1 was conceptualized if you really consider it. Five Nights at Freddy's came about from the criticism Scott Cawthon received from his Chipper & Sons Lumber Co. video game, with critics describing the character designs as "reminiscent of terrifying Chuck E Cheese animatronics." If we want to get into specifics, it's likely that the video by Jim Sterling uploaded in May of 2014 was the inspiration for Five Nights at Freddy's, but we'll never know. I think it's safe to say that the Soos and the Real Girl episode of Gravity Falls existed as a concept before Five Nights at Freddy's existed as a concept. Not that it matters or anything, I just thought it was something interesting. Either way, the Regular Show episode "Fuzzy Dice" also technically predicted Five Nights at Freddy's, two years earlier. Although either way these are definitely coincidences lmao. Creepy animatronics are a fairly common trope in media, Which makes sense, because it always seemed like even before these episodes of cartoons or horror games with extensive lore existed people were mildly terrified by animatronic characters. As for the Doki Doki Literature Club thing, I'm pretty sure it was inspired by an older dating sim with a creepily sentient character, that may have been the inspiration for Giffany as well.

I don't know the name of that dating sim, actually. I just know it did the concept much earlier and I've heard it was done in a much more interesting way, but that's just a matter of opinion I suppose. I've seen people cosplay the character online occasionally, but the name just escapes me right now and I don't feel like looking it up to be honest. I'm just lazy I apologize. Gravity Falls just does horror really well for a kids' cartoon, and it definitely inspired my interest in horror from such a young age. As well as like weird paranormal alien cryptozoology stuff. 

I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. 

I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota. I don't know what else to say but I need to fill a word quota.

Song of the Day: Rabbit Junk - Devotee 🩸

Y'know, I had to do it at some point. 


Friday, September 6, 2024

September 6th 2024

Dear Diary,

Four years ago today, I had what you would call an "epiphany", a realization that I was in fact, a transgender woman. I had wondered about my gender identity for a while now, but it got to a point where I couldn't deny it any more. I took on two names. The first was Eleanor, after the song by The Beatles, Eleanor Rigby. A favorite of mine at the time, and still is I would say. If you've never heard Eleanor Rigby, you need to. It's a great song. I would go by Nora for short, though. The other I kept to myself, because it was also the name of a character I created. Hazel, after the Lemon Demon song Hazel's Modus Operandi. 

If I can be honest, Hazel Bucculenta, the character I created, inspired my transgender awakening when I really start to think of it. The character was transgender herself, and I started to realize just how much I related to her, and wanted to be her.

That's where my whole bunnygirl motif thing came from too. Hazel is a silly bunnygirl :P !!!! What's with this bunnygirl motif? Do you have something against bunnygirls?

I've always really liked that lyric, I've always found it really funny for some reason. "What's with this dog motif? Do you have something against dogs?" I'm not SUPER into Car Seat Headrest, but Twin Fantasy is an amazing album, and Beach Life in Death is one of the greatest songs I've ever heard. Just my opinion though, I find something so beautiful about it, Will Toledo is an interesting songwriter I'd say. His lyrics are out there I'd say. Take Happy News for Sadness for example, "An ad for a kid's movie, on the back of the Rice Krispies. It came out in 2003, sure hope it's talking about the DVD" Beach Fagz. "Woke up, had a boner, dragged a comb across my boner." ?????????? The Ghost of Bob Saget talks about giving Bob Saget's ghost a blowjob outside 7/11. THIS SONG CAME OUT 12 YEARS BEFORE BOB SAGET EVEN DIED!!!!

I actually didn't know what a blowjob was for a while, I think my confusion came from the line from Death Grips' "Spread Eagle Cross the Block" where MC Ride says "Drivin down the street to the beat of a blowjob" I found that kinda confusing, because of that I thought it was a music thing or something, and was flabbergasted when I heard the word blowjob used in a different context. I told my girlfriend about how I didn't know about it and she still teases me a lil for it. She likes to tease me a lot for certain things. I love her so much I want to kiss her.

September 6th 2022, I take on another middle name. Jonathan. After another character of mine, John Lycosa. On September 6th 2020, I listened to the song "Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!" at least 100 times or so, and on September 6th 2022, I did the same with Devotee by Rabbit Junk. These songs actually inspired a bit of story stuff with the characters Hazel Bucculenta and John Lycosa. Again, you'll see what I mean. I'm still crafting this little world of mine and it'll all be worth it eventually.

All these characters I've been creating, some of which since I was a little kid. Their whole silly little fucked up world is all coming together, and I'm happy to share it with you.

I've been doing this since... I wanna say 2014? I've made a lot of cool characters I'm very proud of over the years, and I've developed them a lot and it's cute and silly how my silly lil characters became more and more fleshed out and interesting as I grew up. My favorite would have to be Amelia.

I can't get into Amelia's backstory without spoiling a lot of major plot things, but I'm genuinely so proud of it. She's definitely my most fleshed out character I've created, and much of the story focuses around her in some way, whether she's physically present or not. 

To get into the basics of her character, she's a young girl, a child prodigy with an incredible scientific mind. Her family's history and the nightmarish events her family has suffered has influenced her to create a better life for herself, her family, friends, and everyone else who has been haunted by similar things she has, with the use of science. It's impossible to explain her character without being vague because there's so much I don't want to spoil. She's a character shrouded in mystery and she has to be dishonest with many of the people she encounters for her own safety. Her peers are still wary of her regardless. This description of her probably makes her seem really uninteresting and I don't think I have anyone hooked here, but I'm still really proud of her character and backstory and everything surrounding her and the little world I've created and I'm extremely excited to share it with the world. It's always been a dream of mine to create something like this, and it's finally starting to come to fruition, in the very early phases, at least. I hope that doesn't come off as boastful, I'm just really ambitious.

Song of the Day: Will Wood - Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In! ☘️

Shoutout to Hazel.


Thursday, September 5, 2024

September 5th 2024

Herbert West from Re-Animator is asexual??? Good for him, good for him. My girlfriend said "HARD PASS" to him which is like... yeah turns out he's asexual so... lmao. Re-Animator is one of my favorite horror movies I've ever seen, although I haven't seen as many horror movies as I'd like. I watch Dead Meat on YouTube though. Pretty good channel, highly recommend. Watch the movies first before watching the kill counts on them, don't let the videos spoil the movies for you. I still need to do that Saw movie marathon I talked about the other day, Considering I have three day weekends now (college is awesome) I can have more time to do it. I've been uhh... watching Homestar Runner cartoons. Or should I say *Homestar Voice* TOONZ!!!!! I'm so glad that almost 25 years later, the Homestar Runner website never lost its charm. I mean, Homestar Runner peaked in popularity before I was even born, but I'm still a big fan. I have a Homestar Runner shirt and a The Cheat sticker on my gaming laptop. My favorite characters are Strong Bad, Homestar, Coach Z, The Cheat, Homsar (he just like me fr), and Marzipan. Bubs is kinda whatever, The Poopsmith is kinda just there mostly, but he is voiced by John Linnell when he speaks and I love that for him. They Might Be Giants is one of my favorite bands of all time if not my favorite, they actually inspired quite a bit of my writing. You'll learn what I mean by that later, friends. ;) Back to my Homestar rambling, Strong Mad and Strong Sad are cool, but most of their moments aren't funny enough to justify me calling them my favorites. Pom Pom is an absolute fucking CHAD, BITCH MAGNET TO THE CORE, but he also doesn't speak actual words. Finally, the King of Town, I don't know how to explain why I don't like him. He's just kinda.... ugh. Strong Bad Email 58 is an absolute classic internet video and it cannot be understated, everything about it is genuinely so perfect. It's kinda stupid of me getting into how much an internet cartoon from 21 years ago resonates with me, but this is MY blog and I write what I want! Literally just watch it for yourself, google "Strong Bad Email 58" watch it on YouTube or on the original homestarrunner.net wait no it's dotcom I mean the homestarrunner.net (it's dot com) website okay sorry I'm just being silly, the website is homestarrunner.com. "My name is Homestar, and this is a website!" Homestar Runner's humor will never get old to me, it's so perfect and it inspired my current sense of humor so damn much. Yeah whatever watch it on the original website or YouTube however you want to, Strong Bad email 58: Dragon just needs to be experienced in whatever way. 

The amount of Homestar Runner cartoons we get nowadays being so small compared to how many we used to get back in the day is... a little sad, if you ask me. I mean, I certainly wasn't there for the golden age, I was a beby. I didn't get into Homestar Runner until like... I wanna say 2013, when I was seven years old. It's just kinda sad, we get as much in a year as we used to get in a week back in the day. RIP Homestar. 

It's bittersweet, in my opinion. The Brothers Chaps are working on much larger-scale projects now. Matt Chapman did quite a few voices for Gravity Falls, which I gotta rewatch by the way. Y'know, with The Book of Bill out now and all. I might get to that some other time, though. I'm not sure what else The Brothers Chaps have done since then, though. There is... Two More Eggs, but I'm not a fan of the humor of Two More Eggs. I can't quite explain why Homestar Runner's humor clicks so well for me but Two More Eggs' humor doesn't. Aside from the obvious "it's made for a younger audience" but I feel like I should still find it at least a little funny considering the Homestar Runner guys did it, but I digress.

Y'know, Neil Cicierega wrote an unused theme song for Gravity Falls. I think it would've been really cool if Lemon Demon managed to have a theme song for one of the most iconic and legendary cartoons of all time, but whatever lmao. He did write a couple songs that made it in the show, and his sister Emmy did a lot of storyboarding for the show, which is awesome!!!! Neil and Emmy are so talented I swear!!! :3 He's another one I've been a fan of since I've been a regular user of the internet. I feel like I definitely shouldn't have been on the internet from such a young age, but I did get introduced to a lot of really cool things early on that I'm happy played a role in my childhood. Lemon Demon, They Might Be Giants, Homestar Runner, FNaF and Undertale too but those are like standard gen z kid on the internet things. Vocaloid too to an extent, my girlfriend really likes Vocaloid and I think that's really awesome for her. Hatsune Miku is so cool, I've actually seen pics of her in Hatsune Miku cosplay and she's so adorable... it's like I'm dating the real life Miku!!! :O Lapfox Trax was another thing I was into as a kid, that's one I don't like to talk about much. The music is fine, I enjoy it quite a bit, but there is a lot that can be said about Emma Essex as a person, and certain characters she's created. Characters she has since retired after backlash, but sometimes I wonder why they even existed in the first place. Yeah I'm not gonna try to dance around it I'm talking about Jackal Queenston. It's a bit odd to me too, considering the fact that Emma is a non-binary furry, I don't know why she would choose to adopt the Nazi aesthetic for one of her characters and not see any issue with it, considering nazis aren't the most trans-friendly people out there. But I digress. Touhou Project, I was big into that as a kid too, Ronald McDonald Insanity is to blame, that shit is still a banger and I be bumpin that from time to time. I dunno, it's kinda weird looking back, I was just into a lot of random shit and it was a bit alienating because no one else my age knew what I was talking about. Don't get me wrong, I love all of those things, I just kinda felt bad about not having the most mainstream taste in certain things back in the day, Nowadays I know a lot of people my age who like Lemon Demon, Touhou Project, Homestar Runner, They Might Be Giants, etc, and it warms my heart. I wonder if any of that contributed to my weird social anxiety and all my other problems regarding that. It's nothing I lose sleep over nowadays, just something I think about from time to time. People would pretend to know what I was talking about, and I'm sure they did have genuine interest in what I had to say, but at times I felt like I couldn't relate to anyone else my age, and it really hurt me back in the day. I could've just... talked about normal things that kids my age liked, and I wonder why I didn't.

 Hell, I did try to talk about normal kid things back in 4th grade, and it still didn't work out for me well because I still had an awkwardness to me, it was something that I just simply couldn't hide about myself. So I just said fuck it and continued being my oddball socially awkward stupid self, and I mean, I was happy, but I wasn't. Does that make sense? Don't even answer that I can't hear you but I don't want to don't even answer my question there I know it makes sense shut up shut up shut the fuck up okay???? Sorry hehe I'm bein silly again. What else to talk about what else to talk about hmmm???? Did I ever tell you about how the music video for Technologic by Daft Punk gave me nightmares when I was a kid? I feel like I don't need to explain any further, it's obvious how it's a creepy video to the average 8 year old, which is how old I was when I watched it, but yeah. Prime Time of Your Life is still genuinely disturbing though, I'm a fan of the song but the music video is hard for me to watch even to this day.

That reminds me of another weird thing I was into as a kid, conspiracy theories. I didn't believe too many of them, but I found them oddly fascinating. I always found many of them outlandish even as a kid, but some of them kinda stuck with me? The Illuminati stuff in particular. Now that I think about it, that might be why I liked Gravity Falls so much, and Bill Cipher in particular. It's hard to explain, and I kinda think I'd rather not... it was a weird phase I went through. I would listen to songs backwards and be like "hoooooly shit dude... the singer said hail satan!!!! This is so evil!!!!!!" Baby Nora discovers backmasking.... wasn't there a Gravity Falls episode with backmasking being a significant plot point?? I can't remember, but it was silly how much I was into backmasking specifically, I didn't get too much into... y'know.... those kinda conspiracy theories. For example, back in the day I definitely remember coming across a thing where someone tried saying Michelle Obama was secretly a man and I found it just weird and gross, and took it as some absurd joke rather than something serious. I was more into like the "if you play this song backwards it says evil shit" thing specifically. Those aren't conspiracy theories that's a different thing but the name escapes me right now.

Satanic Panic, maybe? I was giving into the weird '80s Satanic Panic, but in 2014 instead? It's bizarre, I'm not sure how else I can describe it.

I didn't know what Dungeons & Dragons was at the time, but I probably would've thought it was evil. I was into heavy metal at the time, but I wasn't ready to accept the fact that it was supposedly "Satanic" just yet, I was more into They Might Be Giants and Bruno Mars anyway, though. I never tried to reverse a They Might Be Giants song to see if I'd hear anything satanic, though. The Spongebob theme song was a funny one, according to the videos I watched it said "Squidward Smokes Dope" and these types of things were stupid anyway, because like... these things are so obviously not what is being said here, it just SOUNDS like that and the captions try to convince your brain that "yeah thats what it's saying" and any rational person can understand that. But do you REALLY expect an 8 year old child of all people to be rational? Of course you don't. This is just a silly little throwback tangent about my awkward bizarre childhood which is what inspired a lot of my creative fictional writing immensely, you'll see what I mean once I'm ready to show off my writing! ;P

Song of the Day: Will Wood - Willard! 🐭

I had no idea this was inspired by a movie until recently, I wanna see it now. 




Wednesday, September 4, 2024

September 4th 2024

 Dear Diary,

Is this thing on? Good heavens that girl... I love her, she's just so damn silly I swear. She never fails to surprise me... I can't wait to see her again, I feel lost without her loving embrace. Too dramatic? I guess.

She makes me feel emotions and forms of love I didn't know existed. God that sounds weird but I think that makes sense. Bluh bluh!!! I just feel some strong connection whenever I'm speaking to her... I'm her little flower, and she's my beautiful moonlight angelic princess. She does remind me of the moon. That's what I call her, the moon to my sun. I'm not really much like the sun though... I'm like... a moth... a moth attracted to her beautiful angelic ethereal glow. I like the way she caresses me when I'm in her arms, I like the way she speaks softly to me when I'm in her arms, I like the way she plays with my hair and makes me know I am loved. This'll be awkward when I publish it but I don't care, I want the world, or the three people who read this shit to know that I love her. I want the world to know that I'm the moth to her flame. I am so thankful I met her, even if my feelings towards her weren't as clear to either of us as they are now. Now we both know, we both know that we love each other, that this connection of ours runs deep and strong, and I live for it. For her beautiful graceful voice, like a soft morning melody. Her smile, a smile that can warm the coldest of hearts. I found it so hard to believe someone so angelic and divine exists. That's how I'd describe her. Divine. That's the best I can describe her, but it doesn't do her justice. Nothing I could ever write could perfectly describe how strongly I feel about her. This is just the best of my ability, and Heaven knows I can't express it as much as I want to. My mental fortitude isn't enough, I get nervous and tense up at the sight of her, to be in the presence of someone so sweet. 

She held me in her arms, she said something really silly. "Are you an octopus?" I couldn't help but laugh at the question, but I was confused. "What?" I reply. She told me to just say "no" and I was still confused, but reluctantly said "No" and she said "because you octopi my thoughts." I really needed to share that because she's so silly and I wanted to kiss her in that moment because that's so funny and silly and it made me fall in love with her even more. 

Honestly, she's inspired me to start writing much longer blog posts again, maybe not 6000 words in one night repeating the same affirmations level because I think I was going through a mental crisis there, but she makes me want to write a lot. I can't help it, she's just so wonderful... It's cheesy, sure, but it's how I feel. Sometimes I freak out when I think about her, I'm scared I'll screw things up with her. If I did I don't know if I'd be able to live with myself. I'm strong, I know I am. She tells me I am, she wrote that in the little "When you're feeling sad" thing she made me. I just don't know what to do sometimes, nothing much to do other than my best. ^_^ Sorry that's silly and stupid. I do feel like I'm starting to repeat shit again, I guess I really can't properly express my emotions after all. Damn. It is what it is (THUNDERCAT ALBUM REFERENCE) (SHUT THE FUCK UP ELEANOR "IT IS WHAT IT IS" WASN'T COINED BY THUNDERCAT YOU STUPID FUCKING CRINGE RABBIT MOTH GIRL) someone get the spray bottle like I'm a damn cat knocking over the fabric of reality or something. For those reading at home, just keep in mind that love comes to people in mysterious, unexpected ways. You'd be surprised. I never thought that girl who came up to me and talked to me would end up being my girlfriend. I'm sure as hell glad she is though, because she's unlike anyone I've ever met. I'm being silly again. Being in love is one hell of a feeling. This is so weird, isn't it? I'm sorry honey, I'm just being silly again. I love you!!!!!!  I wanna keep writing but I'm honestly really really fluffin tired. She wears me out sometimes, in a good way. ^_^  It's hard to explain bahahaha, I'm not sure how to put it into words. It's like she has me wrapped around her finger sometimes. In a good way!!!! When I say these things, I mean it positively. I've never been too good at reading people, and I've always felt like I made myself hard to read on purpose. But she accepts that challenge and reads me extremely well. It's surprising, and it confuses me but also attracts me. It's just one of the many things I admire about her. Another one being how she doesn't take shit from anyone, that's a very admirable trait. Unfortunately, I'm not the same, it's something I'm working on though. She's smart, kind, funny, beautiful, and doesn't take shit from anyone. I could go on and on but this is starting to get really long I should probably stop here soon but I just can't stop once I get started here. I write like a maniac when it comes to things I'm passionate about, and by God I'm passionate about her!

I like how she teases me, and isn't mean about it. She knows what I'm comfortable with, and she respects my boundaries. I like how she understands I'm nervous, inexperienced, anxious, paranoid, terrified, skittish, shy, all those things. (One of the things she said she loves about me most is how skittish I am, and I mean if she likes that about me mwehehehe <3) I love her so much I don't know how to express it in words, I know I've already said all of this but this doesn't even scratch the surface. There is so so so much more I would love to say but I just can't bring myself to yet, I'm scared to. I'm worried that this is a bit much. It scares me, I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be some obsessive freak. I don't think I am, I just feel such a strong connection and love for people I'm in love with. I tend to care deeply about people I'm close to in general. Even when we weren't dating and when I didn't realize my true feelings for her, I saw her as a best friend, and I still do!!! She's my girlfriend AND my best friend. That's silly isn't it? Sorry... I'm so lame aren't I?  That's just another weird little thing about me, when I'm in love with someone. I see them as not just a girlfriend, but a BEST friend. That's probably weird but it's just how I am. But even before then, she was like a best friend to me. 

Oddly enough, I think that attracted me even more to her. Her insistence to get me out of my shell, and how proud she was of me of even the little things, like being able to look her in the eyes when I talk to her. Eye contact is something I've struggled with my whole life, I don't know if I have autism or some shit although I've never been properly diagnosed. Just ADHD, that's the only thing I've been properly diagnosed with. Honestly wouldn't surprise me, or anyone I've talked to. One of the most common questions I get asked is, "Nora, are you autistic?" The answer is, I'm not properly diagnosed, I was tested but I was only diagnosed with ADHD, but I exhibit too many symptoms of it to just let the thought go. Maybe it's something different, and it's disguising itself as autism. I'm just saying I wouldn't doubt it. How did me talking about my lovely girlfriend turn into ramblings about how I think I have autism? Probably the ADHD, like I said earlier, that's another thing. Fun fact by the way, I was listening to Talking Heads' "Remain in Light" for the first time on the way to my ADHD diagnosis. I think that's ironic in a way. I'm listening to Talking Heads right now as I write this.

Hehe, now I just wanna talk about music. I got myself so worked up on that and now I wanna take a brief intermission to talk about that. Today is the 23rd anniversary of System of a Down's "Toxicity" I don't really feel like relistening to it tonight but it is a fantastic album. 

Actually, interestingly enough, System of a Down has wormed their way into some of my recent dreams, I don't know where it came from. I don't listen to them much. It's just in my dreams lately I'll open Spotify and shuffle a playlist that's entirely System of a Down. I don't know where it came from, I don't have a System of a Down playlist. Perhaps this silly little recurring theme with my dreams will encourage me to make one. I'll consider it.

Back to the lovely angelic girl who lights up my world. I've never felt closer to pure bliss than when I was in her arms. I'm convinced that her embrace is the closest thing to Heaven that exists on this mortal plane of existence. I think she liked it when I called her my moonlight angel princess or whatever beautifully awkward combination of words I used to describe her ethereal unimaginable beauty. So so so awkward again Nora, you're being cheesy lovey dovey again!!! Calm down Eleanor!!!! I can't stop thinking about that hug the other night, she was holding onto me so tight. It made me feel a lot of things, but most of all, I felt... I felt loved. When I say loved I mean like, A strong, immeasurable love. The merging of two lonely hearts, yearning for a connection that onlookers cannot begin to fathom. Wow, that's uhh that's a lot. I think I've gotten all my emotions out, though. Teehee.


Song of the Day: System of a Down - Chop Suey 🦠

Indisputable classic. 

yawwwnnnn ummm... 10 days until I see her again, hopefully? 

October 1st 2024

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