Pretty Cool Actually

September 16th 2025

Somewhere, someway, somehow I will gain enough confidence to speak to people first.

I think I should try to rehearse what to say, that could be useful. Because to be honest? I have no fuckin clue what I’m doing.  I just need friends…

In film class we started watching this pretty interesting German movie that I forgot the name of. Run Lola Run I think? Yeah… only 30 something minutes in but it seriously is one of the most interesting things I’ve seen. In a way it’s reminiscent of the Community episode "Remedial Chaos Theory" which as you know is one of my favorites for a multitude of reasons, along with being one of the highest praised Community episodes by both the fans and critics. For good reason!!

This semester has been a bit confusing I’m not sure I understand everything when it comes to these classes and I’m terrified I’m gonna fail again and flunk outta college. I’m not stupid or anything I swear I’m just depressed and struggling. I’m barely struggling to write these journal entries blog posts whatever you wanna call it. I’m hardly ever even writing them on time… sometimes I end up with a backlog of an entire month’s worth of entries that I’ve started but never finished. At least I’ve caught up on them and have almost 1,000 entries for every day since the beginning of 2023. I just need to work on doing them on time…I have to finish my screen report for that film class too oops… damn.

ok thats all byeee

Song of the Day: Talkshow Boy - I Cut Myself

One of my top songs on last.fm. I’ve been obsessed with this album and song for years now.

Media Log 2025 - September 16th:

128. Talkshow Boy - Testosterone

2006 album, rating: Magnificent

One of my all-time favorites. Originally checked it out because I saw it was released on the very day I was born (June 1st ‘06) and it was so worth it. Although the Bandcamp release has a different release date so I’m not sure if the release date on RYM that initially was the reason I decided to listen to it is true or not… :O

Despite everything, it’s still you.

September 15th 2025

"Despite everything, it's still you."

10 years ago today marks the release of a video game that's been very important to me. 

I'm sure Undertale needs no introduction, but I feel it's only right to give it one.

UNDERTALE is a role-playing game with elements of bullet hell in there as well. It's heavily inspired by games like Shin Megami Tensei and Earthbound/Mother. The music is also incredible. 

Before Undertale, Toby Fox was known as a composer on the Homestuck music team, and a lot of Homestuck's humor shines through in Undertale as well.

It's the story of a child who falls underground and encounters a society of monsters, and it’s up to the player to kill them or not. The game has been heavily influential on not just me but many others. 

I don't think I talk much about my original story, MeadowHeart's influences but Undertale is a small but significant one I feel. It’s not important though I’ll stop trying to make excuses to talk about my original projects that I’m still in the infancy stage when it comes to figuring it all out.

I never actually finished Undertale, I originally watched someone else play it but I can't remember who it was. I did play it for myself though and I made it pretty far, but never actually finished it.

I’m still finding myself, but Undertale helped me start finding myself when I was a kid. I met a lot of friends both online and offline thanks to Undertale, and they’ve been some of my closest friends. I just realized I haven’t spoken to some of them in a while since they moved away and I’m awkward as hell when it comes to starting conversations… oops…anyways

This is Deltarune and I’m sure I talked about this but in 2019 I made a spinoff account to glutenpee by the name of lancericarlyfan. A strange shitpost account with lots of bizarre lore, with Lancer from Deltarune as a persona. It was stupid, and at one point I’d used it to raid terf hashtags I remember one of them somehow got access to my private account and tried to use posts on there to call me a "pornsick misogynist" or whatever. Keep in mind I would’ve been like 14 or 15 or whatever lmao. Lancer is still probably my favorite Deltarune character, but I don’t roleplay much anymore sadly. I need to get back into it I miss roleplaying it was fun

Undertale also inspired me to try to get into creating music. I wasn’t very good at it and I’ve unreleased everything I’d initially put out  but I might get back into it someday.

That's all I really have to say. I've always loved Undertale and unsurprisingly still do. Here's to 10 more years. ^_^

Thank you, Toby Fox. 

Song of the Day: Toby Fox - Undertale

"tomorrow my life may change forever. i feel like a pokemon with 1 level left before i evolve." - Toby Fox, September 14th 2015.

Media Log 2025 - September 15th

127. That Handsome Devil - The Heart Goes to Heaven, The Head Goes to Hell

2011 album, rating: Awesome

I like this a lot more than I used to. For a while I would’ve called this a mid album but it is really good. Charlie's Inferno is easily the best song on here. 

Feels Like Middle School Again!

September 14th 2025

The homestuck rerelease is cool it’s fascinating seeing people read Homestuck for the first time speculating on certain things as a community

Homestuck is back, Persona and Overwatch collab, Danganronpa 2 getting a remake, Undertale 10 year anniversary tomorrow. Inanimate Insanity getting a new season, New Fire Emblem as well. It feels like middle school again? 

Maybe I should revisit some of my old MeadowHeart concepts from 7th-8th grade. Hmm.

I need to reconnect with a couple friends from middle school… I feel so awful about the fact that I haven’t hung out with them since pre-covid. But I’m sure as you guys know I’ve talked about…. Late 2019 and early 2020 was rough  on me mentally and I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered. Hopefully someday I can get out of this depression and I’ll be so much happier than I’ve ever been. My teenage years were rough… I’m gonna be 20 in 9 months… it’s just all so much…

I should try to reach out… I’m sure at least one of my old friends would be happy to hear from me again… at least I’m hoping.

I’ll have to address the elephant in the room for sure though. The elephant being my transition. Oh well, guess I can continue to stay closeted for now. Thats already what I’ve been doing IRL for five years… what a shame, honestly.

Song of the Day: Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch

I loved BHG in middle school too… 8th grade was a trip.

John Henry!

September 13th 2025

Today is the 31st anniversary of my personal favorite TMBG album John Henry and I don't really know what else to say honestly this week has been long and stressful and depressing I think I just need to get off the internet for a bit tbh. I'll still write these journal posts but I need to just clear my head for a bit probably. I'll probably just keep in touch with some online friends and that's it. I just feel guilty about a lot right now and I don't know how much more I can truly handle... It's all so tiring, and guess what? They're still trying to blame trans people!! I just don't know anymore y'all.

Much love <3

Song of the Day: They Might Be Giants - Subliminal

Staaaare intoooo theeee subliminalllll for as long as you cannnn. 

Nope

September 12th 2025

You're not going to fucking gaslight me or make me feel bad. The shooter wasn't transgender or black or whatever the fuck narrative they wanted to push. It was a presumably right wing mormon cisgender white boy. Who's an absolute fucking cornball might I add. Fucking "*notices bulge* OwO what's this" and "if you read this you're gay" on the fucking bullets bro that's band kid bullshit I'm sorry.

Charlie Kirk was a racist piece of shit but I think this was a horrible thing that happened. It's just horrifying that this was allowed to happen. It's people like Charlie Kirk who advocated for these things, though. Not saying he deserved this, he absolutely didn't. I don't condone what happened to him but he condoned it. 

It's all just fucking awful man I don't know what to say.  I'm also still really sad about Haru Urara.

Song of the Day: David Bowie - I'm Afraid of Americans

Me too. 

Mink Car!!

September 11th 2025

So... today is the 24 year anniversary of TMBG's 8th studio album Mink Car. Also 9/11. I feel like this journal has been a bit depressing lately so I'll try not to talk about 9/11 too much. It was a tragedy and we've still never really stopped feeling the aftermath of it and probably never will. 

So, this album had a very unfortunate release date to say the least. September 11th 2001. The fact that TMBG played a show in NYC the night before too... I haven't seen the Gigantic: A Tale of Two Johns documentary but I heard it ends up becoming a 9/11 documentary halfway through. I wonder if 9/11 has something to do with this album's less than stellar reputation. 

A lot of younger fans of the band seem to feel positively about Mink Car. I was born five years after it released so I definitely count as one of these young fans. I think it's a pretty good album. Hell, I'd call it a 10/10 or 9/10, not sure. Low 10 maybe. The first 5 songs are great. Yes, I said first FIVE. Yes, that includes Mr. Xcitement. It's pretty experimental, but is that such a bad thing?! I personally don't think it is. 

This album does include my personal least favorite TMBG song though. That being "I've Got A Fang" It's arguably a weirdly experimental track but I just can't get into it.

idk i don't know how to do this idk how to just talk about stuff i like without addressing the several elephants in the room.

and i love elephants theyre one of my favorite animals but this is just difficult. i'm sorry

Song of the Day: They Might Be Giants - Hopeless Bleak Despair

a bit too real right now. :') i love yall.

"We cannot speak badly of the dead"

September 10th 2025

I've been trying for hours to properly gather my thoughts about the events of today. I feel horrible for his family, I feel horrible for his children who have to grow up without a father. Political violence is a terrible thing, gun violence is a terrible thing. 

It's ironic though, isn't it? That he was shot by a cisgender white male while he was in the middle of using trans and black people as a scapegoat for gun violence. The gun violence that he himself claimed was "necessary to protect the second amendment."

How do we even know the gunshot wound is what killed him? It could've been a fentanyl overdose. That's what him and so many other MAGA cultists like him have been saying about George Floyd for half a decade.

I have zero empathy for him. In his own words, "I can't stand the word empathy, actually. I think empathy is a made up new are term, and it does a lot of damage." 

He was a disgusting human being, and the rhetoric he spread put so many lives in danger, and I believe him to be a massive cause of Gen Z's far right radicalization. I cannot mourn him. 

I try to be a good person and live my life with kindness and empathy for everybody, I truly do. However, you cannot expect me to cry for someone who made a career out of demonizing people like me and people I care about.

Regardless, I think the fact that something like this was able to happen in the first place is more disturbing than anything. But again, let's not act like that isn't what he was so strongly advocating for. I'm also very scared of the precedent this is going to set going forward. One less fascist walking the Earth, but I fear that many more have been made as a result of this. I’m scared of the wave of violence that’s going to result to this, regardless of politics. 

It's kind of fascinating seeing the way people talk about this. Calling his white supremacist views and fascist rhetoric "opposing viewpoints." They make it sound like he just advocated for pineapple on pizza, instead of the hate towards women and minorities that he stood for. Makes me wonder how people would react if the internet was around during the times of Nazi Germany or the Confederacy. 

For nearly two years now, both the Democratic and Republican parties have been endorsing and funding the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians. Where's the empathy for the 70,000 Palestinians that have been murdered by the IDF since October 7th 2023? Many of whom are children, mind you. Charlie Kirk said there's no such thing as a Palestinian. 

Additionally, three children were shot in Colorado today. Charlie Kirk would've called it "a necessary consequence to protect the second amendment," or he would've found some way to blame trans people.

Last night, a transgender woman committed suicide, at the same spot where another trans person committed suicide just a few months ago. The latter of which was only 16 years old. Many people online mocked these deaths, including Z-List political cartoonist and professional Shmorky impersonator Stonetoss. These same people are mourning Charlie Kirk. 

Think about his family, yes. But also think about the thousands of families who lose children to the gun violence he said was necessary. Think about the families of the Palestinians who have been killed, the Palestinians whom he denied the existence of. Think about the families of the trans victims of murder and suicide thanks to the hateful rhetoric him and so many others like him spread. 

but what do i know lol. I know about as much as politics as Donald Trump knows about his own kids. The Epstein birthday letter leak must be a really awkward way to find out your dad DOES send birthday cards.

Song of the Day: That Handsome Devil - Charlie's Inferno

"You can run from your demons until you are exhausted, one day you will have to stop and find out what they wanted"

RIP HARU URARA

September 9th 2025

The silly lil pink horsey died today. She was in 113 races, didn't win a single one. She never gave up, though. 

Idk much about Japanese racehorses, or racehorses in general, but I have seen videos of her online and she looked so tired and old. She was 29, poor girl. At least she's in Horsey Heaven now.

Song of the Day: "Weird Al" Yankovic - White & Nerdy

Still waiting for a new Weird Al album tbh.

Media Log 2025 - September 9th:

126. Supertramp - Breakfast in America

1979 album, rating: Magnificent

Probably one of my top five favorite albums of all time. Definitely top 10. RIP Rick Davies. 

I luv Supertramp!! :D

September 8th 2025

Rick Davies' passing still has me distraught, but I've been relistening to Breakfast in America constantly today, I love this album so so much. I've only heard this one album from them, and I plan to listen to more but this album is just incredible. 

song of the day is going to be the one i originally planned yesterday

Song of the Day: Death Grips - Lil Boy

FEAR OVER PRIDE, FLOOD YOU CAN'T HIDE, FACE OF A WOMAN, TEARS OF A CHILD!

Goodbye Stranger

September 7th 2025

Rick Davies, founding member of the band Supertramp has passed away. I'm sure you know this, but Supertramp has been probably the most personally significant music discovery I've made this year. I've still only heard the "Breakfast in America" album but it's one of my favorite albums I've ever heard.

This year has been depressing, and all of these deaths have made it worse, I think.

Tom Lehrer, David Lynch, Ozzy Osbourne, Val Kilmer, and now Rick Davies.

I don't really have anything else to say, I'm sorry...

Song of the Day: Supertramp - Goodbye Stranger

RIP Rick Davies, 1944-2025

IWTBTFUG!

September 6th 2025

On this day, five years ago, I came to terms with the fact that I am transgender. A lot in my life has changed since then. 

However, I'm still very far from where I wish to be. 

I'm not on estrogen yet, I don't wear traditionally feminine clothing, I'm not even out to a majority of people in real life. Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually trans or if I just enjoy living a sort of "double life"

The fact that I have so much social anxiety and I live in a pretty unaccepting part of the country, and the fact that everything went to even worse shit the minute I became a legal adult and started college feels like fate has not been kind to me. 

These first five years have had their ups and downs, and I have a long journey ahead of me. It's honestly nobody's business but I don't plan on getting surgery because that's fucking terrifying. Also I feel like a girl regardless of what's in my pants. 

I've always been weird about my gender because I wasn't too dissatisfied with being a boy but I feel happier as a girl. It's things like this that have made me question if I'm some flavor of non-binary but that's something I honestly don't understand.

Gender identity and expression are very confusing, and even though I still struggle with dysphoria a lot due to a clusterfluff of reasons that I'm not ready to talk about, I'm pretty happy with my gender expression online and I hope I can be the same person in real life. "I want to be that fucked up girl" like in Noel's Lament. Song of the Day perhaps?

This is going to be the first of, not many but a few journal entries in which I reflect on everything. I have a lot more I want to talk about but it only feels appropriate to address them on later dates. It's stupid but there's a method to my madness. 

Song of the Day: Kholby Wardell - Noel's Lament

I WANT TO BE THAT FUCKED UP GIRL!

not sure abt my favorite pokemon of all time

September 5th 2025

I'm not sure what my overall fav pokemon is... I did my favorites of every type and I've been trying to consider the candidates from those obviously.

Grass: Leafeon (Easily my favorite eeveelution, but I'm not sure)

Fire: Victini (Was my favorite at one point but I don't know if it still is)

Water: Whiscash (It's silly and I really like it a lot, but I'm not entirely sure about all time favorite)

Normal: Lopunny (I LOVE HER!!! People are weird abt her though...)

Electric: Luxray (Was also my favorite at one point but I don't know if it still is)

Psychic: Reuniclus (Possible Candidate 1)

Fighting: Hitmontop (Dr. Bustdown is cool but I'm not sureee???)

Rock: Cradily (Pete Ness)

Ground: Flygon (Was my first ever favorite Pokemon of all time)

Flying: Staraptor (Absolutely fucking sick)

Bug: Heracross (badass scarab was briefly my favorite but after reconsidering it not really)

Poison: Muk (I don't even know if I prefer Kantonian or Alolan Muk)

Dark: Umbreon (I know for sure that I prefer Leafeon in terms of Eeveelutions)

Ghost: Chandelure (Shauntal reference... woah)

Ice: Lapras (That's my mom's favorite pokemon we cant have the same favorite pokemon)

Steel: Tinkaton (Possible Candidate 2)

Dragon: Goodra (IT'S AWESOME but I don't know for sure 100%)

Fairy: Togekiss (Possible Candidate 3)

In conclusion, my favorite Pokémon of all time is a three way tie between Reuniclus, Tinkaton, and Togekiss. 

Song of the Day: Jimmy Eat World - The Middle

One time this came on the car radio shuffle and my dad skipped it for Nickelback, I cried myself to sleep that night

5 YEARS OF NORA TOMORROW

rough day

September 4th 2025

rough day

i wanna take a nap

Song of the Day: Danny Brown - Ain't It Funny

god dammit

2 days until my tranniversary

LIVIN LA VIDA LOCAAAA

September  3rd 2025

I'm saying it again, there are songs that I fucking love that get a lot of hate. If you hate Livin La Vida Loca, Mambo No. 5, Kokomo, etc. I can't trust you.

I'm working on some new stuff for youtube perhaps... I want to keep my promises. #StayTuned.

Song of the Day: Ricky Martin - Livin la Vida Loca

SUCH A BANGERRRRRRR

3 days until Nora tranniversary.

what the hell

September 2nd 2025

What the hell is going on with Trump? Is he dead or not?? Either way he's probably dying soon... Crazy.

Song of the Day: The Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling

I miss these days

4 days until the Noraversary

Todaybor Day is Labor Day!

September 1st 2025

I love Homestar Runner....

Anyways Here's My Favorite Pokémon of every type.

Grass: Leafeon

Fire: Victini

Water: Whiscash

Normal: Lopunny

Electric: Luxray

Psychic: Reuniclus

Fighting: Hitmontop

Rock: Cradily

Ground: Flygon

Flying: Staraptor

Bug: Heracross

Poison: Muk

Dark: Umbreon

Ghost: Chandelure

Ice: Lapras

Steel: Tinkaton

Dragon: Goodra

Fairy: Togekiss

Song of the Day: Homestar Runner - Todaybor Day is Labor Day

Puyo Puyo official twittter account posted a reference to this.

5 days until 5 years of Nora 

Month in review August 2025

August 31st 2025

This month was not very good. 5/10

I think brighter days are on the horizon though

I don't know how to feel about any of this stuff anymore :/

I'm just so tired 

Song of the Day: Oingo Boingo - Sweat

why did they do a country rendition of this lmao

6 days until Eleanor 5 Year Tranniversary

DIE BRU DIE

August 30th 2025

Trump hasn't been seen in days... please please please I don't even care anymore if JD Vance is going to be president now I'll take anything over Pedophile Donald.

JD Vance is a fucking idiot who doesn't have the cult of personality like Trump does, I doubt he'll be able to get anything done. 

Song of the Day: They Might Be Giants - When Will You Die?

TMBG = Trump Might Be Gone 

day off so sleepy

August 29th 2025

I'm so sleepy I'm glad I have the day off.

I've been playing Pokemon tho when I have the time, funny how I suck at games made for literal children. Fuck my chudette life. 

Song of the Day: The Dresden Dolls - Shores of California

Rare Dresden Dolls W

Soul Knight Aura and Hype Moments

August 28th 2025

Picked Soul Knight back up after a few years, they added so many new characters and they're pretty damn cool. 

Also the anime style looks so cool with some of the older character designs. I do have to unlock everyone back again but yknow it is what it is.

Philosophy class attendance question today was favorite flavor of ice cream. Decided to play it safe by answering strawberry when the truth is my favorite is cotton candy >:3

Soul Knight Unlocks:

01. Knight

02. Witch

Song of the Day: Tyler the Creator - Where This Flower Blooms

TYLER MY GOAT

Worst Songs Ever?

August 27th 2025

Going through a wikipedia list of worst songs

Harry Kari - Yes Sir, That's My Baby

Yeah, this is just racist. 

Napoleon XIV - They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa (Reversed)

Original is good why did they release it reversed though?

Legendary Stardust Cowboy - Paralyzed

lmao

The Beatles - Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da

HEY WHAT THEFUCK

Reginald Bosanquet - Dance With Me 

this is so funny 

The Tweets - The Birdie Song

evil autism

Starship - We Built This City

uuuuugh

The Beach Boys - Kokomo

ok im done this list is bullshit maybe i'll pick this back up for a youtube video where i rank them all but i'd lowkey be stealing that idea from coney :/

Song of the Day: The Beatles - Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

life goes on brah

Classes were cool

August 26th 2025

Didn't get much sleep last night but my classes were pretty fun. I like philosophy so far. My professor does attendance questions which is pretty cool. He asked us what artist we've been listening to lately and I of course answered, "They Might Be Giants" he actually said he was a fan of them as well which is cool. 

I love cats and old technology this is random but I can't stop thinking about this phone commercial from 2011, it's so cute and it actually makes me wanna buy one of these old phones , it reminds me of the phone my mom used to have that I would watch LPS Popular on. I miss when phones looked cute and stuff like that. Everything is kinda boring now.  :(

Song of the Day: They Might Be Giants - They'll Need a Crane

I love the music video for this song it's incredible guh I wanna watch it on loop again

Happy Birthday Scarlett!

August 25th 2025

Scarlett is now four years old! She's the youngest person EVER.

I found my throne wishlist again and some of the clothes in there are really really cute >_<

I know it's kinda cringe but yeah.

Cranidos is the worst Pokemon ever I hate how I keep losing nuzlockes on the first gym because of that fucking headbutt ughhh...

Song of the Day: bo en - My Time

First heard about Omori because of this song, even back then I thought it was kinda ehh. Maybe some day I'll get into it. The creator is gross though. 

Homestuck is...back?

August 24th 2025

So, the Homestuck website is apparently getting fixed properly. I'll believe it when I see it. Not sure how to feel about the whole rerelease update culture thing but whatever, it's kinda cool I guess.

Also I just remembered that old ass Fate Grand Order gacha game I used to play when I was 12. The character Mashu or Shielder or whatever her name is was one of my biggest anime crushes for a while lol. She's still pretty cute I think.

IDK why I continue to attempt nuzlockes when I suck so hard at them, guess the only way I'm gonna get better is to keep playing.

Song of the Day: King Gizzard - Rattlesnake

This goes crazy actually 

Happy birthday Neil

August 23rd 2025

Happy 39th birthday Neil Cicierega!!!

I don't have anything else to say I'm sleepy im gonan play pokemon and maybe take a nap

Song of the Day: August Greenwood - Taroko

RIP Taroko the Whale Shark

follow limit again

August 22nd 2025

I hit the instagram following limit yesterday

Probably gonna go on an unfollowing spree as a result but it's kinda lame.

im sleepy

Song of the Day: Eminem - Just Lose It

probably my favorite eminem song lol

First day of classes (in person that is)

August 21st 2025

I like my classes so far. Philosophy and film. The professors seem cool, and some of the students seem nice I should maybe try talking to people. Too bad I have horrible social anxiety :/

I have like nearly four hours in between classes though I guess I could work on the online stuff but it's not like it'll take four damn hours.

Also a couple of my irl friends from high school are going to the same college as me now yayyyy :3

Song of the Day: They Might Be Giants - Pet Name

This song is awesome especially when you consider some of the interpretations of it. 

ok thank you mom

August 20th 2025

Mom let me borrow her laptop for school, I greatly appreciate that 

Lenovo laptops suck btw, that's the laptop I had before lol.

i love moths

Song of the Day: Mono Puff - Hello Hello

it's good to be back <3

change of plans

August 19th 2025

I've been messing around with RPG Maker MV again, but my laptop is so fucked up I'll have to postpone this project already. :/

I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do when classes start. 

I also forgot how much I hate the character creation thing in RMMV, it has the same problem as most Picrews where the "dark skinned" options are fucking grey. This isn't Homestuck bitch come on now. 

Song of the day: Hugh Jackman & Zac Efron - The Other Side

is this the circus musical ive never seen it :P

classes tomorrow im so screwed

address me twin

August 18th 2025

I wanna reconnect with irl friends from before covid, but I'm lowkey not cisgender anymore. 

I guess I have a bit of a platonic crush... apparently it's called a "squish" lol. I don't know anymore. I'm just so confused and ill thinking about it all.

Song of the Day: Faith No More - Epic

There's a horsey named Faith No More apparently. 

2 days until class

touhou 20

August 17th 2025

erm... touhou 20 just dropped. idk anything about it ive lowk been trying to avoid shit uhhh

what else.

damn thats all i really have to say today,,, oops.

Song of the Day: Sandy Marton - Camel By Camel

michigan

3 days until classes start