Rough Start

February 18th 2026

On this day 2 years ago I made one of the worst mistakes of my life, which was telling a certain someone that I'm transgender. It's whatever though. I think about how my life has been since that day and I just shudder. She seemed so sweet, but people love to easily put on masks, they love to conceal their true colors. Sometimes I wonder if she ever realized just how much she hurt me, I doubt it. People seldom ever understand the effects their actions have on other people. Maybe I'm guilty of this too, I try my best to treat everyone with as much kindness as possible, sometimes even if they don't deserve it. I can definitely be a bit of an asshole sometimes, I think we all can. I really do try not to be, promise. 

Classes today were okay, I'm not off to a good start in most of them. -_- I'll take care of it though. I know I don't have the best track record when it comes to staying on top of my schoolwork, but the anguish I've brought upon myself last semester has been a wake up call. I'm a little off-balance, but I'm doing my best to get myself on-balance. 

I did miss a few too many English classes, I regret that deeply because I probably did bad on today's test. >_< 

I have to make damn sure I don't miss any more classes unless I'm actually fucking dying. 

As for European Literature, I have a lot of quizzes I need to get caught up on. I discussed it with the professor today and he said I can make them up. That was very sweet of him, I have a test for that class next Monday. I also have a test in Philosophy on Tuesday, and Spanish on Wednesday. Next week is gonna be a pretty damn busy one for ya girl... but hey, that's the way the cookie crumbles. That saying isn't applicable here but I think it's fun to say. This weekend is gonna be busy too, actually. I have a lot of studying to do for my three tests. 

I also wanna practice driving a little more this weekend, it's been so long since I've been behind the wheel of a car. Basically for the entirety of 2024 and 2025 I didn't drive at all. I'm gonna have to relearn a lot, but I'm sure once I get the hang of it I'll be cooking with gas!

I was always pretty good at driving once I started to understand everything I needed to do, parking was my big issue. I honestly miss those days, my dad and I would have some pretty deep conversations and I learned a lot about him as a person. We have moments like that a lot when he's driving but for some reason he opened up to me a lot more when he was the passenger. I know the way I've talked in the past may make it seem like otherwise, but my parents definitely love me, they definitely care about me.

I feel kinda bad about everything when I start to think about it, have I not been good enough to them? They've been so good to me, and I feel like I need to repay them in some way. Maybe I could do that by getting my damn license already. >:(

In all seriousness, I really want to finally get it. It's one more step in my journey towards independence, I'm becoming an adult. Legally I may be one but in every other way, I'm only "almost an adult."

Driving is just fucking scary, especially for someone like me who panics in any situation where something bad could happen. I think with enough practice, even a nervous wreck like me can get the hang of it. There's classes I'm considering taking, but they're pretty expensive. I liked the Driver's Ed class I took in high school. My experience with driving has actually been pretty comfortable for the most part, which usually isn't the case for beginners I imagine. I haven't had much practice on real roads though, and the practice I have had on real roads was hectic. 

I had gotten done with an hour of practice in my high school's parking lot, and my parents said "Okay, now drive us home." I thought they were joking, this would be my first time driving on real roads... I guess they could've started me off in a more difficult situation, I lucked out. I knew my way home from school, I took the bus home every day and I paid attention. It actually wasn't that terrible, but that might've been thanks to there not being too many cars on the road at the time. It was smooth sailing until I tried to pull into the driveway. I almost crashed into the garage door. My mom's panicking didn't help either. Thankfully I stopped the car and parked before the situation could've gotten any worse, but I never drove on actual roads after that. I'm definitely gonna have to get some practice on real roads before I get my license, but it's something I'm still pretty damn nervous about. 

My college's parking lot kinda has roads, I've gotten some practice in there too, before I started attending though. I definitely know my way around, though. Even if I was just driving in pretty big circles around the campus. 

I think once I get back into the swing of things, I'm gonna be doing great! I'm sure I'll have my license in no time if I keep at it. I think at least a few of the problems in my life are caused by me not being able to drive yet. If I could start driving, I could have a more flexible schedule, and I wouldn't have to take all of my classes in one day in the same building with only a 30 minute break in between.

I mean, hey. All my classes in the same building is a bit of a relief, but at the same time I'm not getting as many steps in as I used to. I enjoy walking around campus, seeing all the flora and fauna. I like hanging out with the geese, my campus has a lot of damn geese. Squirrels too, but it's mostly known for the geese. I'm gonna miss this school, I should make my remaining time with it count. Thankfully because I screwed up so hard last semester I had to withdraw and now I'm gonna be taking an extra semester! Everything happens for a reason, I guess... Maybe by then I'll be driving and I'll have a schedule that isn't complete dog water. I hate having to get up so early in the morning, that's another thing. 

My sleep schedule has been getting better so I don't entirely hate waking up early like I usually do, but still, I'd like to go into class a bit later. I mean, my first class starting at 8:30? It's like high school all over again. Except unlike high school I don't have a crush on a girl that encourages me to get up early and get to school early so I can sit next to her before classes start and not talk because I'm too shy. If only, right? God, that was one hell of an arc of my life. This was early 2024 so I definitely have journal entries referencing it. I could probably reach out to her on Facebook or Instagram, there's nothing stopping me except for embarrassment and guilt. It's been two years now, she probably forgot about that whole thing. Her presence was comforting, even if we just sat together in silence.

I'm listening to Sweet Trip right now holy shit I forgot how much I love VDC, it's such a peak album. Roby is such a piece of shit though, remember last year when he dropped an album and posted it to the Sweet Trip subreddit? After he knows good and damn well the kind of reputation he has now. Disgusting vermin, even if the music is good. Dsco is one of my favorite songs of all time. 

Once I'm done with this bullshit ass homework I will be doing another playthrough of Fire Emblem: Three Houses. This time I'm going to finish it. I've always been bad about not finishing video games, but this time I'm serious. SOMETIMES I TELL MYSELF "THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL STAPLER!" SOMETIMES I TELL MYSELF "THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL CHAIR!" I love Weird Al so much, everyone loves his parodies but his original songs deserve some love too. Some of them while not parodying a specific song, parody an artist's style in general. I think that's pretty cool. "Everything You Know is Wrong" is inspired by They Might Be Giants. "Germs" is very clearly Nine Inch Nails, "Dog Eat Dog" is Talking Heads, etc. 

Much Love!!

Nora Meadow <3

Song of the Day: "Weird Al" Yankovic - Dog Eat Dog

He even references Once In A Lifetime! 

2,000 day tranniversary in 9 days!