October 21st 2025
Looking into the whole college journal thing, meetings are on Fridays and I usually dont go to school on Fridays. I could go I guess but I’d have to take an Uber since I still don’t have my license, but I couldn’t do it every week because Uber isn’t THAT cheap lol. I’m gonna look into this, it just seems exciting. This was my dream since High School, and it finally feels within reach. That being said, uuugh my grades haven’t been getting much better. I’m trying to work hard it’s just a bit overwhelming at times. I really don’t wanna flunk out because this is such an important opportunity to me and I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I wasted it.
I'm gonna do my best here, but I’m starting to fear the worst. I’m fearing that it might be too late. I’m scared, I’m terrified, I’m not trying to be lazy, I’m just trying to find myself and it's been hard to focus on classes at times because many of them don't feel like they're helping with that whole "finding myself" thing even though I know that’s kind of the whole point of college.
I barely understand myself, it’s so frustrating for everyone else to watch but it’s been frustrating for me to live. I don’t know, I’m sorry.
I love my cat so much she’s such a sweetheart I’m feeling really sick and she’s here trying to comfort me I love you so much Nermal my sweet girl <3 I’m not sure what’s wrong with me I don’t think it’s covid imagine how fucked up it would be if I get covid not even two weeks after getting the shot…that’s why I highly doubt that’s what it is. Also that would be awful because I spent all day at school today. I guess it’s a good thing I try to avoid interaction as much as possible by default. Not even intentionally anymore, I want to be friends with people I’m just such a nervous wreck who’s too scared to talk to anybody, it’s kinda sad but I’m working towards getting over it.
Song of the Day: sElf - Borateen
Their whole discography slaps bro
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