Some Thoughts

July 29th 2025

Slowly but surely getting out of my depression, I know I say that a lot but I've really started to figure things out and I'm starting to feel just a little bit happier, y'know? I'm still kind of a mess, but at least I'm gonna be a happy mess. I think the true meaning of life is what you make of it, and maybe the way I'm living isn't entirely fulfilling, but if I can find happiness, and inspire other people to find happiness themselves, it'll all be worth it. I have a lot of varying interests and I wonder if I'll truly be able to achieve everything I want to regarding all of them. I think that's another problem, I don't know where to start with anything. I'm trying to get that part figured out, but it might be more tedious than it should be for me. One thing I've never really talked about that I have a bit of an interest in is fashion, although lets be real I'm a chronically online trans girl what the fuck do I know about fashion? 

It's something interesting I consider a lot though. If I were to like dip my toes in fashion designing or some shit. I think it would be cool, who knows? I like cute and soft things so of course that's the kinda style I'd be going for lol. It's just a thought, ya know? Sometimes I feel like I sound like a little kid with all of my stupid ambitions and not really knowing how to put them into action, it's weird. My whole life I've had ideas and ambitions but I was too young to really go anywhere with them. Now I feel like I'm old enough and I'm not living up to my full potential. Every day is a small step sure but these steps are too small I fear. 

I'm just scared time is gonna catch up to me and I'm gonna be out of college with no fucking idea what I'm doing with my life. I guess I just don't wanna be tied down to one specific medium to express my creativity, I'm sure this is a very common sentiment, but I don't really know what to do about it. I'm scared I'm sounding pretentious or some shit, I hope not. I've just felt a certain kind of way my entire life and some sort of fear has been stopping me from making any progress anywhere.

I'm too tired to worry about it right now, though. I'm gonna try to straighten out my sleep schedule sine I feel like a lot of my issues have to do with my fucky sleep schedule. I tend to be tired quite often. 

Song of the Day: Peter Schilling - Major Tom 

Second favorite song about a guy named Major Tom. It's close though.

Media Log 2025 - July 29th:

94. Kate Bush - Never For Ever

1980 Album, [M]agnificent, Last Logged 04/25/24

I wanna maybe try bringing back the little comments under the log entries or something but honestly I usually don't have much meaningful insight to give. I really enjoyed this album a lot and I don't know how to describe my thoughts further. Army Dreamers is a genuine masterpiece that's incredibly relevant right now. Like I don't think this song's themes have been more applicable to the current state of the world since Vietnam, which ended before this song came out but still. Easily my favorite song not just from this album but Kate Bush's discography in general.