Memoir

December 5th 2024

Dear Diary,

THIS IS AN ASSIGNMENT FOR ENGLISH CLASS

I think it's safe to say that we as humans can all recall one day, one specific day in our lives where we didn't know it at the time, but after that day things would never be the same. For me, this was Halloween 2019. I was 13 years old, and I felt like I was "too cool" to dress up or go trick or treating or anything like that. Not to mention, the costume I picked out last year was uncomfortable. You know those "wacky inflatable tube men" they have outside businesses and other places to grab your attention? I thought it would be really funny to go as one of those. Once I tried the costume on it was really uncomfortable and after that I didn't really like dressing up for Halloween anymore. But this isn't a story about Halloween. 

Despite me not traditionally celebrating the holiday anymore, Halloween 2019 was one year after the tube man incident and I still had a fun day regardless. I hung out with friends and celebrated the spooky season in my own little way. I had recently discovered a band by the name of Oingo Boingo, I was already big into Lemon Demon so it's no surprise that I was instantly hooked on this other band with an admittedly silly name. A tradition of mine that I would start after discovering this band would be to listen to their 1985 album "Dead Man's Party" which fits the Halloween aesthetic more than any other album I can think of. I unfortunately was too busy to do it on Halloween 2024, and I'm kinda sad about that. 

The Halloween of 2019 was an amazing day, even if I didn't properly celebrate. What I didn't know was that after this day, my life and the lives of many of the people whom I'm closest to would change forever. When I went to bed that night, I had an unusual dream. I hardly ever remember my dreams, I tend to forget them after waking up. This one stuck out to me like a sore thumb, however. To set the stage, my mother was driving me somewhere, I forget the intended destination. She was on edge about something and was driving rather recklessly, I kept telling her to be careful but she wouldn't listen. Eventually she would crash into a building and kill us both.

I woke up experiencing several emotions at once. Confusion, panic, fear, hopelessness. This dream had terrified me to my very core.   Regardless, I kept my head up and ensured myself that it was going to be a good day, and I had nothing to worry about. School was about as normal as any school day would go. I did well in my history class. Tried participating in band class, but gave up because the clarinet hurt my mouth too much with my braces and all. Probably played dodgeball or something in gym class. My science teacher still couldn't find the work I turned in and put in missing grades as such. Math was difficult because I'm so bad at math it's concerning, and English class was... well, English class. I could write a whole essay about the insane things that went down in that class. The point is, I had a very normal school day. Almost sickening how normal it was. It wouldn't be until I got home that I would receive the worst possible news that I could've. 

My mom was diagnosed with cancer. She was acting strange around me lately, repeatedly saying things like "If anything happens to me just know I'm here for you in spirit." Whenever I asked what was wrong she told me not to worry about it. I knew something was wrong, but I never could've expected this. The disease ran in our family, so I probably should've been prepared for something like this to happen, and it always scared me that me or someone I love would fall victim to it, but I didn't think it would be her, and definitely not this soon. 

Thankfully, she recovered. She is still with us. It was a long and agonizing recovery, not just for her but our family and the people around her. Especially with the Covid-19 pandemic going on during her recovery. Many things in our lives have still continued to be affected by the tragedy, she now works from home instead of going into the center, and she even got an emotional support animal. A hairless cat named Scarlett, who might I add is the sweetest thing ever. My dad thought hairless cats were the ugliest things in the world, but when he met Scarlett he instantly fell in love. 

It's an awful thing to happen to my family, but it taught me two things early in life. The first is that human resilience is stronger than any illness or disease, my mom fought hard to stay alive for me, to see me graduate, to meet her future grandkids, she wasn't going to let cancer take her out. The second thing, and the point I was trying to make with the beginning here, is that you never know when life is going to throw you for a loop and permanently affect the way you live in a major way. That's why you have to enjoy what you have while you have it and live in the moment. Thanks for listening, this was pretty hard to write and I have more I'd like to say but I'm gonna stop it here. 

Song of the Day: Ween - Cold Blows the Wind ☁️

White Dove Sailor moment. 

21 days.